Intoxication
by marsdemon
Summary: Something has caused Ray to plummet down in life untill he is sitting alone wasted and stoned in a bar. Someone finds him, helps him, but at what price and with what motives? BrianxRay Abuse, sexual themes, angst, slavery, bondage
1. Stray cat

Loud music blared in the cheep filthy club that was located in what seemed to be the worst of places one could place a club. The streets outside were dark, with only occasional weak light bulbs lighting certain corners and leaving long stretches of road completely dark at night. The buses only went one in four hours and it was so far away from the main road that to catch a cab was nearly impossible. The building looked anything but glamorous from outside and even less so from inside. It smelled of smoke, sweat, weed and cheep booze.  
  
The lights flashed in between sweaty shifting and twisting bodies making it even harder for Ray to think clearly. Everything was swaying; the room kept coming in and out of focus. Each scene around him was like a snapshot of a movie taken by someone else and showed to him in slow motion. He could hardly feel the lower part of his body, it was like his legs didn't even exist. He couldn't feel them at all, all he could feel was his spinning head and swaying torso. Everything was rushing by so fast, and it seemed like he wasn't even there, like he was just an observer looking from the inside of some different world out, like he was in a safe bubble where nothing could get him and the rest of the world did not affect him at all.  
  
Just moving his eyes from subject to subject took a lot of effort, keeping his eyes open was even harder. Sometimes they would close of their own accord and he would not even remember when or how he shut them. Sometimes his whole body would sway and lean so far forward before he even noticed that when he finally forced his eyes to focus he would be staring right into his mostly empty glass. It was a real wonder how he managed not to fall of the chair he was sitting on, since it was really tall, narrow and offered no back support, a bar chair.  
  
It was probably getting really late now, but he didn't attempt to get up, Ray didn't really think that he could even if he wanted to. His body felt like it weigh a ton, he would never be able to get down from this chair without falling head first or something of the sort. It took so much effort just to lift his arm, to move anything for that matter, his limbs didn't seem to want to listen to him, like they were not even his. And his head, it was kind of lolling from side to side, he had every desire to just let it drop somewhere, anywhere, as long as he could put it down, it was just so heavy, but he knew he had to keep it up or else he would never be able to raise it again.  
  
He was such a mess. Long raven hair cascaded down his back barely brushed and unbound. His white shirt, damp with sweat was unbuttoned at the front exposing his muscular chest. Beads of sweat were rolling down his face and body. His blue cargo pants were torn at the side where he must've caught them on something and smudged ashes stained the front. In a few places they were even burnt from where he accidentally dropped his joint earlier, it was miraculous that he didn't get burnt.  
  
"Hey buddy!!!"  
  
Ray was barely able to lift his head up to look at the bartender.  
  
"Yeah?" Surprisingly, his voice sounded quite normal, at least to him it did.  
  
"I think you've had a few too many, how about you pay up and get the hell out of here?!" the way the bartender said that was almost threatening, but Ray didn't really notice. To Ray's surprise he was actually able to move his limbs to reach into his pocket and pull out his last... ... .... five?  
  
It hardly registered in Ray's fogged up mind that he was in deep trouble, a five was not nearly enough to pay for all the drinks and drugs he has consumed.  
  
"Well, well, would you look at that... Looks like you are a few short there, aren't you?" the bartender almost grinned, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he was about to call the bouncer to see what other ways they could invent to make the kid pay up.  
  
Ray unfortunately hardly even heard him, he could feel it, he was going to pass out. He saw the counter rushing up at him and then everything went black, later on, he wasn't even sure if he ever fell or not, he couldn't remember anything, at that moment, he didn't even register that he was falling.  
  
The next thing that he knew there was something pulling him off the chair and holding him up as he almost fell still not being able to feel his feet, let alone control what they did. For a moment, everything came back into focus again, everything seemed clear all of a sudden. He straightened himself and attempting to focus stared out straight forward doing his best to grasp on to his train of thought, thinking one thought at a time, trying to keep track of his mind.  
  
In this moment of everything being crystal clear he saw a fifty being placed on the counter and watched as the bartender took it and put it in his pocket. He was saying something to someone, but Ray felt like he was watching everything from behind a glass window, it almost didn't seem real and despite all the noise, it almost seemed like the bartender's voice was put on mute. For a moment Ray wondered if he was deaf, but that couldn't be it, he could hear voices all around him, flooding him.  
  
In the back of his mind Ray knew that he was drunk and stoned, and he observed everything with a sort of almost wonder, almost observing how he himself was affected by the weed and liquor. It was like a sense of curiosity that caused him to even notice that he was picking up conversations in foreign languages much clearer against all the other noise which almost seemed like static to him.  
  
Then everything was hazy again, he was hardly aware of walking, stumbling, being dragged and swaying from side to side. He could hardly keep a grip on his consciousness at all, he was passing out every other moment, or at least it felt like that. He could hazily remember sitting down, but he wasn't sure if he ever did, or if it was just a dream, the line between what he saw in his sleep after and what actually happened before was so thin he wasn't even sure what did, and did not take place. He could remember walking up the stairs and seeing only stairs and more stairs, there seemed to be so many stairs, it didn't even seem real how many stairs there were. All he knew was that he didn't really remember climbing them, it was almost like he floated above them somehow, he felt heavy and weightless at the same time, his head was heavy, but his legs didn't even seem to be there, he still couldn't feel them.  
  
The last thing that Ray could vaguely remember before he blanked out was loosing the support that he never registered was there all along, he was falling but he didn't remember ever landing, he couldn't remember at all what happened after.  
  
Ray woke up with a killer headache. It was the first thing he felt, his head was pounding so badly he wished he could just pass out again. He cracked open his eyes expecting to see his hotel room even though he had no idea how he would get back there, he just assumed that he would not be able to remember it right away. What he saw though was a medium sized room shrouded in semi-darkness and it definitely did not look like a hotel room.  
  
"What the?" Ray groaned as he attempted to sit up a little but failed as a sharp jolt of pain raced through his head forcing him to close his eyes and lay still waiting for the throbbing and pounding to subdue. The next time he opened his head he was more careful about what he did.  
  
Slowly he looked around taking in the appearance of the room. There was a simple small dresser, probably large enough to hold the clothing of one person if that person didn't have too much that is. A small square mirror hangs above it, simple wooden frame, nothing elaborate. A thick black carpet covered the whole floor; it made the otherwise plain room look more comfy. There were a few framed paintings hung on the walls, whoever lived here seemed to like birds of prey quite a bit, they were quite beautiful, but Ray couldn't understand why someone would put such beautiful painting into such simple frames.  
  
The bed he was lying on was taking up most of the space in the room that was otherwise empty except for a few chairs and a small coffee table in front of the large window. The window had thick curtains drawn over it, dark purple, plain, with no design whatsoever. Ray noticed that nothing in the room had a pattern or design, it was mostly plain and simple, but tactfully arranged with colors that were obviously thought out to bring the room together.  
  
It bothered Ray that he had no idea how he got here or where here was. He thought that maybe he should attempt to get up but when he tried to move his legs he felt sharp pain in his left ankle. Pulling the warm blanket off he cringed, his foot was swollen a little, it was turning a nasty blue and he could not move it at all. Whoever took of his shoes last night, he was thankful to them for doing so, he would hate to have to take of his shoes now when his foot was swollen and bruised like that. Well, it looked like he was not going anywhere, not that he could have gotten far with the kind of headache he had right now.  
  
Ray thought it best to just lie down for a while and hope that it was just someone he knew that came across him passed out in the bar and took him to their place not knowing where he was staying. That would be the logical explanation, except for one thing, he couldn't think of anyone that he knew in Russia. In any case, it hurt too much to think and he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep again. Ray focused his gaze on the plain wall that was painted in a soft light purple, in the darkness though it looked almost grey making the room look cold. Ray wanted to see what the room would look like if the curtains were drawn back, but he knew that if they were, the light would cause him quite a bit of pain.  
  
Deciding finally against thinking he closed his eyes and fell back into oblivion his head sinking into the soft pillow and his raven hair spilling over it.  
  
A door creaked open and the sound of a lock clicking into place could be heard. Soft footsteps followed a moment later, probably the moment it took for whoever it was to take of their shoes. The footsteps were almost inaudible drowned out by the softness of the thick carpet. A tall muscular figure moved across the room to where he left his guest this morning. It looked like the boy has been awake but has fallen back asleep. 'Good' he thought 'Saves me the effort of explaining for now' he noticed the swollen ankle and knelt down beside the bed to closely examine it. He never noticed it in the morning, he thought that he should make the effort to look the boy over for more injuries that he might have missed.  
  
Getting up, he walked out of the room into a small kitchen and poured himself some coffee first, he has been awake all night yesterday and most of the day today, it was already late afternoon, he was deadly tired and if he was going to tend to the drunk druggie, he should at least be able to keep his eyes open.  
  
Half an hour later Ray's ankle was bandaged up, and there didn't seem to be any other injuries on the kid either. It bothered the older man a little that Ray never steered from his sleep, from what he knew of the neko-jin, they were supposed to be very light sleepers. He wondered if alcohol and drugs affected humans in a different way they affected the cat people.  
  
The figure rose from his observation and leaned over the sleeping boy, his bare chest was rising steadily under the blanket. The light empty eyes of Ray's saviour narrowed for a moment contemplating before he reached out and with his strong hand tilted ray's face to look straight down into it.  
  
Ray could feel something, a discomfort, as if there were eyes on him, that feeling like someone was watching him. The headache made it hard to think and it was tempting to just drift back to sleep, but he couldn't, something was bothering him.  
  
Bright amber eyes opened just a little bit blinking up at the face that was poised above him. Suddenly something registered in Ray's head, his eyes went wide, his silted pupils narrowed into a thin line. He jerked back from the hand that was holding his face but before he could scream that hand was clamped tightly over his mouth and he was pinned to the bed by a body that was too strong and heavy for him to move, he couldn't even budge. Ray lay frozen staring up at the man feeling how hard it was too breathe against the weight on his chest and listening to his own heart pounding in his chest and ears as if it was trying to get out. The adrenaline rush was so strong, it was getting harder and harder to breathe by the moment, he was feeling faint and the pain in his head made his vision blur.  
  
'I'm in trouble...' thought Ray as his body, tense like a string convulsed from the pressure that it was being put through. 


	2. A free slave

Brian reacted immediately, years of training taught him to think fast. The last thing he needed was Ray's screaming to be heard all over the place, he didn't have many neighbours in this building, no one wanted to live in this district, but still, there were enough people just walking outside on the streets for at least one of them to be curious if they heard a scream.  
  
He watched the changes of Ray's expression and had no doubt that Ray recognized him well, whether that was a good of bad thing, remained to be seen. Brian lifted some pressure off Ray's chest to make it easier for the necko-jin to breathe, but he maintained a strong hold on him just in case.  
  
"Kon...if you scream, I'm going to saw that mouth of yours permanently shut...after I have removed your tongue from it." He hissed a threat into Ray's ear. He himself wasn't sure that he would actually carry out a threat like that, but he knew himself well enough to not put it past himself.  
  
The icy voice seeped through any defence Ray might've had against threats like this, surely it didn't seem real, what sane man would ever bother, but Brian has been known to display behaviour that was not considered, by any standards, sane, and after being hurt by the other before, Ray believed him capable of living up to his threats.  
  
His whole body went absolutely stiff, he didn't need the hand to keep him quiet and more, he didn't think he would be able to scream now even if he wanted to, or even open his mouth as long as the other was there.  
  
"You'll be a good kitty and be quiet for me, now wouldn't you?" Brian slowly lifted his hand away from Ray's mouth, a moment later he lifted his weight from Ray's slender frame too, lest he crush the boy underneath him, sometimes Brian tended to forget his own strength.  
  
Brian sat down on the edge of the bed folding one leg in front of him and leaning forward slowly sipping his coffee that was threatening to get cold if he didn't finish it soon. He was watching Ray with an unreadable expression, the lack of which could be traced back to his habits back at the abbey.  
  
It seemed that now that he put some physical distance between himself and the boy, Ray was starting to calm down a little and think, or at least attempt to get a grasp on his emotions and fear, he wasn't panicking which was more then Brian could say for some other individuals that he has observed in situations like this before.  
  
Now, the only thing that was any indication of Ray's loss of self-control a moment earlier was the slight trembling of his hands, but then again, that could be attributed to the excess of adrenaline in his blood.  
  
Ray took slow deep breaths to calm his racing heart, his reaction was not good, it was a show of weakness, in more ways then one, it caused both him and Brian to realize just how much weaker physically Ray was then the other.  
  
It has been a known fact for some time, that sometimes, people get the urge to hurt those weaker then them for the sole purpose of showing that they are stronger. Observing other people's weakness has been known to excite people, it is a credited thrill to have a human being at one's mercy, and Ray feared that Brian has tasted that thrill.  
  
The ease with which the other overpowered him, the threat which Ray readily reacted to, and the momentary obedience that Ray displayed while almost panicking, Ray feared that all of the above might've put ideas into Brian's head, if they were not already there.  
  
Brian watched carefully as Ray did his best to regain his composure, probably trying to correct his earlier mistake, regain some dignity, try to appear as someone Brian would not be interested in toying with. But indeed, it was not working, what Ray feared, has happened, and the incident indeed put ideas into Brian's head.  
  
He has planned on having a little fun with the necko-jin in the first place, just because he knew he could, but he was never planning to take it far, he was just going to wait until Ray got physically better and while he waited, have Ray pay him back for the fifty he spent on him, whatever "pay back" meant in Brian's warped head.  
  
But now, everything changed, it wasn't even Ray's slip up that caused Brian to reconsider, more so, it was Ray's attempt to seem unfazed when it was obvious that he was still afraid. This defiance, it attracted Brian. He has seen plenty shaking and quivering scared kids before that he could do anything with, as well as anyone else could too, he has long outlived the thrill of abusing the weak and submissive.  
  
What Brian was attracted to now, was the defiance. His thrill was now, not so much the control he could exercise over someone weaker then him, but the control he could force onto someone who is strong. He wasn't looking for the cheep fun of beating down on the weaklings and have them lick his boots and call him master, it was much more fun to break someone who was confident, strong, self-respecting.  
  
Ray seemed promising, he wasn't exactly the right person for that kind of fun, Brian predicted that he could be easier to break then some other people he could pick on, for once, he wasn't as confident and together emotionally as a perfect toy for Brian would have been, Brian's perfect amusement would not have degraded himself with cheep booze and drugs, and also, it was obvious that Ray was already afraid, so that could make the job even easier.  
  
On the other hand, the look in Ray's eyes now proved that Ray acknowledged his mistake and most likely would not easily let it happen again, also, Brian remembered him to be headstrong from before, and didn't someone say that cats are not easily controlled? He remembered from before that Ray had a temper, that doesn't go away easily, so perhaps this could be fun after all. Brian smirked a little watching Ray tense from just that one gesture, Ray's pupils constricted to mere slits, his fangs unconsciously elongated, watching such a reaction was already fascinating to the older man.  
  
Ray could not help his reaction, that smirk, he didn't like that smirk. In his experience, an evil grin like that could mean almost anything, but it rarely mean anything good.  
  
"Brian...? What am I doing here?" he asked seriously trying to knock any bad ideas Brian could be having out of his head.  
  
"What? Can't I pick up a stray cat?" the cold smirk twitched wider...like a dying animal, thought Ray. He wasn't sure what brought on the association, but...that twitch...it made him nervous.  
  
"What happened? I don't quite remember if you haven't guessed so much already..." Ray refused to let it get to him, he even let the stray cat comment slip, now was not the time, he was too much at a disadvantage to pick at something so petty.  
  
"What happened? I think I should be asking you that" Brian took another sip of his coffee "I found you wasted in a cheep night club, passing out at the bar and looking like shit...quite uncharacteristically of you, don't you think?"  
  
Ray stared, this was not the person he wanted to find him. Most likely he owed Brian for getting him out of there alive, and he didn't like the idea of being indebted to this man, paying him back could prove harder then he would like.  
  
"I assume you paid for the booze?" he leaned back against the pillows, his head was starting to hurt again, damn hangover was lasting longer then he wanted it to.  
  
"Ummm...why of course, I had to get your sorry arse out of there, now, didn't I?" the slightly rough tone of voice was not particularly unpleasant to the ear, but it still managed to somehow irritate Ray.  
  
"And how much do I owe you?" he stayed cool perfectly knowing that whatever he owed, he could not pay back, he checked earlier, his last five was gone somewhere and other then that, he didn't have a cent. (AN: Russian currency are rubels and kopeiki, not sure if I spelled that right though, but for the sake of making it easier on the readers, I just used the American currency) Ray wasn't sure that Brian was not the one that took his last five, not that it would have been enough anyways, but he couldn't prove that he did or did not, so he would not mention it.  
  
"Just a fifty..."Brian's expression remained unchanged, he was marvelling at the uncaring, laid back air that Ray managed to put around himself to replace the earlier panicked behaviour. "I've got no money, if you want me to pay you back, make something I can do for you, and I'm not letting you fuck me, so stop staring at me like that" Ray glared a little. He had no doubt now that Brian did have bad thoughts running through his head, it was getting on his nerves, and he was sick of Brian acting ignorant when Ray could see right through him. He could see that Brian wanted to toy around with him, he already was, he could also see the lust deep in his eyes, even though he was not even sure Brian himself realized that it was there, and besides, it would have come to this sooner or later, he wasn't walking out of here any time soon, not with his injured foot, so he might as well let Brian know that at least he was not ignorant.  
  
Brian was a little taken aback, for a moment he almost thought that Ray was suggesting that he'd do Brian certain favours to pay him back, but a moment later, Ray made it clear that he was not going to be a whore. Well, at least he tried to make it clear, Brian wouldn't care, it's just, the fact that Ray was aware of his intentions so soon, stole away from some of the fun he was going to have.  
  
"Oh, and if I wanted to screw your brains out right now, what the fuck could you do to stop me?" he dropped all pretence as a response to Ray's earlier statement. If the necko-jin could be so frank with him, he could be too.  
  
Yup, too late to take back what he said now, maybe that was not such a good idea. Ray paled only slightly, it was hard to keep the fear out of his voice, the uncaring mask that he tried to put up earlier was slipping. He had thought that Brian would loose interest if Ray didn't look like he cared, but it appeared that just like Ray could see through Brian, Brian could see through Ray.  
  
"Nothing..." Ray replied to the question simply and truthfully. He couldn't stop Brian, he could try, but he knew he couldn't. Ray was never really good at lying, or hiding behind appearances, so being blunt came naturally to him.  
  
"Exactly kitten," Brian shifted his position so he was leaning over Ray's face, who was glaring defiantly at him. The necko-jin knew his position, Brian could see that, he was afraid, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, and he knew he was powerless, he admitted to knowing that. But even though, Ray was still letting him know that just because he was at Brian's mercy, didn't mean that he would submit willingly, that was all good in Brian's mind.  
  
Strong fingers gripped Ray's chin, cold lilac eyes stared down into the angry amber slits, Brian guessed that Ray was probably trying to contain his anger for fear of being hurt, probably a smart move too... He pulled Ray's face closer "Oh...and Ray, aren't you forgetting that it's not just the money you owe me...after all, shouldn't you be a little more grateful, all the bad things that could be done to helpless wasted cats who have no money to pay for what they take. You know, those men at the club had every mind to make you pay ten times more then what you owed them. Plus...it's so cold out, and you are hurt...however would you have gotten back to wherever you live...what would have happened to you if I wasn't there, humm?" Brian let go off Ray's face straightening back into a sitting position, letting Ray's head fall back onto the pillow, he wore a light, but still triumphant smile, the expression on Ray's face said it all. He looked like he loathed Brian the most at the moment, the hate written all over his face, and Brian knew why Ray hated him, he hated him because every word Brian said was true, and Ray really did owe him more then a fifty.  
  
Ray was aware of what Brian was saying, it was true, as much as he hated to admit it. Most likely, Brian has saved his life. He remembered vaguely not being able to pay, the kind of people that worked at the club, if Brian didn't get him out, he would have been used, abused, mutilated and then thrown out into some alley where he would freeze to death at night, there would be no way he could get to his hotel room.  
  
That reminded Ray, he was about to owe Brian even more, the man already took care and housed him, and Ray was about to put yet another stick into Brian's hand with which the man could beat him.  
  
"I have no place to stay..." the sentence seemed to come out spontaneously "What are you going to do with me now Brian...now that you know that other then here, I have nowhere to go?" Ray's lips almost twitched into a scornful smirk, he hated this turn of events, but then again, here was better then out on the streets.  
  
Brian was surprised yet again, it is twice now that Ray seemed to almost want to show Brian how much at his mercy he was. He wanted to frown, but his features remained almost unchanged.  
  
"In that case kitten, you are in trouble..." he stroked the side of Ray's face with the back of a crooked finger.  
  
Ray knew it from the start, the moment he saw Brian he panicked because he knew that he was in trouble, now, he was sure that Brian would not kick him out, it would be no fun for the man to kick him out, but he was also sure that he would most likely not like it here, but he had little choice, not after he wasted all the money he had, that he was supposed to be paying for his hotel room with.  
  
"You never said what you are going to do with me..." Ray didn't want to know, but he wanted to at the same time, if he knew, maybe he could think of a way to prevent it.  
  
"I'm going to keep you kitten, I'm going to make sure you get all better...and then, I'll do with you whatever I want..." Brian stroked the boy's face again emphasizing his point, the simple fact that he could do anything he wanted to Ray. He wasn't sure about the circumstances that led Ray into such a desperate situation, but he would find out later on, it didn't matter now, he could judge already from what he saw that he could make Ray's very existence dependent on him, and that was just how he liked it.  
  
Ray glared at the man before forcefully shutting his eyes, he couldn't stop him, so at least he would not let him have the satisfaction of seeing how miserable this was making him. Finally he decided to speak against what Brian was suggesting, after he has gotten most of his internal anger under control.  
  
"You can't do anything with me...I don't belong to you Brian...nothing you could have done for me would make me owe you that much." he nearly growled the words out for a moment believing them.  
  
Brian's hand shot out grabbing Ray by the hair and yanking him closer until his mouth was positioned over Ray's slightly pointed ear. Ray winced from the pain, but remained silent, didn't fight and listened, fighting in his condition would not do him any good. "Ray...you are very mistaken boy...I saved your life, as that is true...and you know it's true, your life belongs to me. It's mine Ray, and I can do with it anything I want..." Brian's voice was rather calm, almost soothing, not angry at Ray's contradiction as the necko-jin might've expected.  
  
A moment later, Brian's hold on Ray was released and the boy fell back on the pillows. The only resistance that he put up was seen in his eyes, that burned with hate, but that was enough for Brian, as long as he knew that Ray did not submit, he was satisfied. The outward appearance of submission meant nothing, it was what was on the inside that counted, and on the inside, Ray was as rebellious as he could be when his outer self was forced to yield.  
  
"Now precious, rest, I'll bring you food later, wouldn't want you to get sick, now would I? And then, you can tell me all about what has been happening to you these past years...I must say, I'm curious about what I missed out on..." Brian planted a sickeningly gentle kiss on Ray's forehead before he disappeared out of the room.  
  
Ray sighed and closed his eyes holding back a growl, his fingers were clenched into fists at his sides, he was angry at Brian for taking advantage of him like that, he was angry at himself for making it possible to take advantage of himself, and he was angry at fait because there was not a damn thing that he could do about it.  
  
Relaxing some time after Ray listened to the silence, he looked at one of the paintings hanging on the wall, birds of prey...shouldn't that have been his hind, and the stony light purple room, everything about this place screamed Brian, but then again, he couldn't have known. He shut his eyes drifting to sleep, his body was useless now, he had no choice about what happened to his outer self, but his inner self remained free and he would do his best to keep it that way, he refused to be broken, no matter what Brian did to him.  
  
AN: well, that was chapter two for you. So tell me, should I continue this, or is this story crap. If I do continue, you can be sure that there is going to be a lot of abuse in the future chapters, but I'm not sure if I should go on, so tell me, if you like it. If you do, I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner, and if this whole thing stinks like my socks, I'll scrap it. More reviews=happy author=more stories, so press the button, I appreciate it a lot! 


	3. Pet

Ray slept, not a single dream disturbing his sleep. For a human it would not have been possible to be this sick from alcohol, well, unless they got alcohol poisoning. But Ray did not drink enough to get that, he drank enough to make a human pass out and then wake up with a hangover and be otherwise fine. The reason Ray was still sick, after a whole day has passed was because it took that much longer for alcohol and other toxins to leave a neko-jin's system.  
  
When he woke up it was already morning of the next day. It has been afternoon of the precious when he fell asleep. Lately, he has been passing out into these dead periods of almost unnatural sleep during which nothing could wake him up as it appeared. The first time his wounds were tended to without him knowing, this time, it appeared that his bandage on his foot was changed and food was left for him on the coffee table by the bed.  
  
The smell of food made Ray nearly go nuts, he didn't realize this before, but he was famished, as well as dying of thirst. His tongue went completely dry and became rough like sandpaper; he needed to drink something pronto.  
  
Eggs, toast and milk made up his breakfast, it made him feel better, but not much, all this time has passed, and he still had a killer headache.  
  
Ray looked around the room for any signs of Brian, he must've came back at some point, but was now gone again. The neko-jin wondered where he slept seeing as he most likely occupied Brian's bed. It was a relief though that he was alone for the time being so at least he could think about his situation.  
  
What did someone who was not familiar with the city, had no money and more importantly, no ID on him do in a situation like this. If it was summer, Ray would have left as soon as his foot got better and not worry about freezing, but it was very early spring and the snow was still as deep as if it was the middle of the winter. He would die on the streets it he left and he refused to go into a shelter.  
  
He couldn't even get a job, without an ID, he was a no one, he didn't exist. And so much time has passed since his face appeared on television; he doubted someone would care if he told them that he is a champion beyblader. He was screwed big time.  
  
The door opened, he heard a soft click of the lock and grimaced in annoyance. Couldn't Brian stay out longer and leave him the hell alone to think about how hopeless his situation was right now?!  
  
Soft footsteps were barely audible drowned out by the thick soft carpet; Brian entered the room greeted by a hateful glare from his prisoner.  
  
"You're awake pet, that's good, I was beginning to get worried." The quiet words held no real warmth or sentiment, they were only meant to annoy Ray further, which they successfully did.  
  
But then again, the mere presence of Brian in the room was enough to make him tense and uneasy. Amber eyes watched every move the tall figure made, and every step that took Brian closer to Ray as he moved around the room made the boy tense up.  
  
Brian brought a paper bag with him full of some herb the smell of which cut into Ray's senses sharply. He also had a number of other items on him, but Ray didn't pay attention to them as Brian put them on the table, the smell of that herb was getting to him. It smelled sickeningly sweet, so much that it made him want to throw up, what a disgusting smell!  
  
Ray couldn't know what Brian would do with that garbage, but he was already wishing that he would get it out of the small room, or at least open the window. Ray felt an inclination to clamp something over his nose; he was cursing his feline senses and their sharpness.  
  
Brian was not oblivious to Ray's discomfort, he himself did not like the smell of the herb, but he learnt to ignore it. He has used this before, it was a good remedy for getting rid of hangovers, as well as general headache, and it worked fast. The only drawback, it tasted worse then it smelled.  
  
Brian smirked with almost sadistic pleasure thinking about what Ray's expression will be like when he pours the tea down his throat, if the smell was getting to him so much. Any time Brian looked at the neko-jin he was met by an alarmed, angry and hateful glare, if looks could kill, Brian would have been long mangled and lying on the floor in a gory heap of chopped bones, meat and entrails.  
  
He took the dried herb and walked into the kitchen placing the cattle on the stove shuddering himself at the disgusting smell as well as the memory of the times he had to use this. Brian added a number of other herbs creating a herbal mix that would help bring Ray's immune system back on track and help him heal faster.  
  
He knew that the taste would be bittersweet, so much so that one gulp of this mixture would make anyone cringe, but it was healthy and it worked fast. (AN: there are various herbs that could help people like this and most of them in their pure state do taste absolutely disgusting, but since I didn't want to research which herbs one would need for the above task, I did not mention the names)  
  
Ray fixed Brian with a warning stare when the man re-entered the room with a big cup of tea.  
  
"I pity you if you are going to drink that..." he made a disgusted face, somewhat hoping that the tea was not for him.  
  
"Then you should pity yourself..." Brian sat down on the edge of the bed taking all pleasure in seeing Ray cringing already. Normally, this was not Brian's idea of torture, but he told Ray that he would make him get better, and what better way of "helping" him get better then this?  
  
"I'm not drinking that..." Ray was almost afraid to open his mouth to talk, the smell, now so close was making his insides turn. He growled in warning as the thing was brought closer to him, gods, the smell was nauseating!  
  
"I'm not trying to poison you Kon...not yet at least, and you will drink this yourself, or I will tape a straw to your mouth and feed it to you one drop at a time." Brian's infamous smirk twitched like a dying animal again and his eyes sparked with amusement.  
  
For a human, this would have been something rather petty, unpleasant, but not a big deal. But a neko-jin's senses were so much stronger, Ray was probably already overwhelmed and ready to pass out from the smell, Brian couldn't wait to see his reaction when he tasted it.  
  
Ray's face drained of color, it was either gulp it down, or have it poured down slowly. The look in Brian's eyes suggested that he was enjoying this and Ray did not want him to enjoy this any more then he already was lest he start feeding him things like this all the time.  
  
Snatching the cap from Brain angrily Ray held his breath and took a gulp intending to empty the cup, but the first gulp made him choke and made his tongue twist into knots, or so it felt. The mixture seemed to cling to his taste buds and no matter how hard he tried to swallow, the taste wouldn't leave his mouth.  
  
His whole face scrunched up and his shaking tongue lolled out of his half parted lips, quivering like something that's been beaten to near death. He chocked and gagged over and over again before he was able to get himself under control. His eyes were watering and even the clearly amused sparkle in Brian's eyes could not make him any less miserable then he was.  
  
"Mercy?..." his voice came almost like a squeak, a whimper so quiet that Brian barely caught it. But he did, and then Brian nearly chocked too, from laughter. This was entertainment at it's best, forget pain, this was hilarious.  
  
"Drink it..." Brian barely contained the amused chuckle that was threatening to break free.  
  
This time, Ray managed not to gag until he emptied the cup. He fell back on the pillows sputtering, he could hardly even feel his tongue, at the moment, and he wished he didn't have one, it felt raw with the taste. The bitterness lingered and the sweetness made him nauseated, this was the most disgusting thing that he has ever put in his mouth.  
  
Ray distantly heard Brian's low chuckle, if he could get up, he wouldn't care that the man was stronger; he would try to strangle him anyways.  
  
"Bastard, you try drinking that!!!" he was aware that he was more angry at something so small then he should have been, it was just tea, a disgusting tea, but still, just water and herbs, no reason to react like this, it wasn't like Brian was hurting him or anything.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I know exactly how it tastes, I've drank it before, and more then once, and did not make such a big deal of it either." the amusement could still be heard in Brian's voice, but it was almost sympathetic...keyword being almost, it was clear that Brian enjoyed the sight.  
  
Ray bit his tongue before he said anything that could possibly embarrass him more. Once the taste was gone from his mouth, it was plainly obvious how childishly he reacted, like a little kid not wanting to take his medicine; it was a blow to his pride, more so because Brian knew it and pointed it out.  
  
Ray was clearly humiliated, his lack of self control was unforgivable and so he resolved to stay silent for as long as he could. If he said nothing, he could not say something stupid.  
  
Brian disappeared into the kitchen for a while leaving Ray alone, for which the boy was highly grateful. He loathed the sight of the man, especially after he so shamelessly made fun of Ray's sensitivity.  
  
Half an hour has gone by until Brian entered the room again in which time, Ray was surprised to find out that his headache was completely gone and he was feeling more refreshed and awake then he did before. Generally, he was feeling better. Yet another thing to make him more embarrassed, because in a long run, it was worth it.  
  
Ray turned away from Brian and stared blankly at the wall, he didn't like accepting help from him, it made him feel weak. He didn't like admitting also that Brian did help him and that it worked too, his pride was being damaged and he would have rather been sick and suffered from the headache then accept help from someone he hated if he had been given a choice.  
  
Ray didn't look at Brian when he approached even though he was aware of his presence. The only acknowledgement that Brian got was Ray's fingers fisting into the sheets. Brain wondered if Ray would gladly use those fists to break his face if he dared to and could have gotten away with it. He was sure that Ray would not have hesitated, the reason he was clutching the sheets was probably to contain himself from hitting his captor. Ray seemed to be quite aware of the meaning of consequences.  
  
The neko-jin flinched when the blanket was thrown off his feet baring most of his legs all the way up to his thighs. He was only wearing his boxers underneath and he didn't want to think about the fact that Brian must've undressed him, Ray knew that Brian probably seen and touched him before, but even though, he felt very exposed now.  
  
Glaring a hole in the wall Ray refused to look or even react beyond his present reaction. His jaw was set so tight that his teeth were threatening to crack under the pressure. His knuckles were white from squeezing the sheets so hard, more then anything, he wanted to yank the blanket back over his legs and then slap Brian on the face for looking, but he reminded himself, if Brian wanted to look, he could not stop him and if he also wanted to touch, he could not stop him either.  
  
Ray felt cool fingers against his leg, he flinched, but the hand didn't travel up to his relief, instead, his leg was lifted into Brian's lap and his bandage started to come off. Ray was feeling more uncomfortable, the current position, however slightly, parted his legs from each other, he liked them shut tightly together as they were before, but he reminded himself, so far, there was nothing suggesting in what Brian was doing.  
  
A familiar scent reached Ray's nose, the strong menthol scent of cream that was usually used to relieve bruises, sprains, sore muscles and other such injured. Ray forced himself to relax a little and un-knot his fingers from the sheets, he was not achieving anything except cutting off his circulation.  
  
The boy winced and twitched lightly when strong fingers started to massage the ointment into his foot. It hurt quite a bit, he must've bruised his ankle bad for it to hurt so much, but he was getting used to it, he could take this, and he would not be humiliated again, once in a day was enough.  
  
The motion continued and Ray was starting to relax, the pain was subdued and he felt the familiar warmness caused by the cream. He dared to steal a glance at Brian and his foot, the good news, his foot didn't seem swollen any more, the bad news, Brian seemed to be more satisfied with it then he should be.  
  
It wasn't because Brian cared about what happened to Ray that he was satisfied. It was, as it suddenly occurred to Ray, because Brian said that he'd do whatever he wanted to Ray after Ray got better.  
  
Suddenly, Ray wished that his headache came back and that his foot would swell up again, he didn't want to get better so soon. As long as he was still sick, Brian would not harm him, Brian wanted to be able to exercise his full abusive and oppressive talents on Ray without having to worry about some weakness that Ray might still have.  
  
Even though, Ray was not completely safe until he got better, Brian still enjoyed picking on him, in more subtle ways, but no less unpleasant. Ray was realizing that the only reason Brian did not hurt him yet, was because he said he wouldn't until Ray was well again, and that made Ray scared because Brian was doing all in his power to have Ray recover. Once he did, there was no telling what Brian would do to him.  
  
A new bandage was wrapped tightly around Ray's foot fixing it in place. Ray went back to staring at the wall again and praying silently that Brian would get up now and leave him alone, the feeling of those hands made his skin crawl.  
  
Ray's anxiety was rising with every moment Brian stalled. The neko-jin's hand twitched when he felt Brian's hand on his leg just above the bandage, this was not good, he was having the worst feeling about this already.  
  
Ray's muscles tensed again, Brian noticed how the boy managed to relax for some time while he was working on his foot, but he also noticed that he never relaxed completely, he was constantly aware of who it was near him and what it might mean.  
  
Brian wore a light, barely visible smile on his face. He watched Ray get more and more nervous as he refused to move from his spot. He glanced over long toned legs, almost like a woman's legs, too curvy and nicely shaped for man's legs. And for all his more animalistic features, Ray, as Brian previously has observed, was almost completely hairless. The tiny hairs on his legs were like those on a baby's skin, almost invisible and rare. It made the skin look quite inviting and so Brian decided to invite himself to it.  
  
Ray's eyes widened when he felt Brian's thumb rub his skin up and down. His face must've been ghostly pale by now, his pupils constricted staring blindly at a blank wall. His tense body has completely frozen over under Brian's hand.  
  
Brian loved Ray's reaction, Ray had to use all of his self control to not freak out and react to the touch, this was indeed more fun then Brian had expected it would be, he had the boy completely at his mercy and he hadn't even done anything. Ray could not hide it any more, his face, the expression on it was completely petrified.  
  
Ray forced himself to swallow and not yelp when the hand slowly moved up his leg. He barely suppressed the shaking that was threatening to seize his body, was he really that scared? The question he wanted to ask more though, was Brian really going to do this to him, and would it only be worse if he fought?  
  
The reasonable part of him told Ray that if he fought, he would not win and only make Brian mad and more likely to hurt him, the other part of him screamed at him for not doing anything when his body was violated like this.  
  
But it wasn't reason that held Ray firmly in place, unmoving against Brian's touch; it was plain fear. He was intimidated more then he even thought possible.  
  
Ray felt sick with himself for allowing this to go this far, no human being, no matter what they've done for you, had the right to do things like this, but he was too afraid to voice those thoughts or give much indication that he had them.  
  
Ray's breathing was becoming deeper as he struggled for control over his body. He clamped his eyes shut because he knew that his terror must be evident in them. The hand has slipped in between his legs parting them further, he could no longer suppress his trembling. The hand was slowly, but steadily moving up the inside of his leg.  
  
"Stop..." Ray's eyes snapped open his trembling was becoming quite obvious, but for all the fear and desperation that caused him to speak up, his voice was so quiet, like a breath that left his lungs, shaky and uneven, hardly a word. The hand was still moving, the thumb running small circles over the smooth flesh "Brian...stop!..." he chocked the words out of himself and instantly regretted it, he hated Brian to know just how much this bothered him, but he could not let this go on either.  
  
The hand froze in place, right where it was. Ray wanted to yank it out of there and snap his legs shut, but he remained frozen in place, he was almost expecting to be backhanded for this.  
  
Brian carefully watched the changes on Ray's face while he touched him. Ray's skin, it was so smooth, Brian was quite turned on right now, even more so by Ray's reaction, the desperation and fear in his eyes, gods, he looked edible right now...or rather, fuckable.  
  
Brian was very satisfied with what he could do to Ray, it was perfect. Ray's voice, it sounded like such a plea, breathless, shaky, vulnerable, but not whiny or submissive, a perfect mix. Brian would not have liked it if Ray started whimpering or something like that, that would have been too weak for Brian, the trembling and freezing shock was much more attractive.  
  
But he has said that he would not do anything yet, and he was intending to keep his word, for now.  
  
"But of course precious..." he leaned over whispering into Ray's ear. His hand slipped from between Ray's legs and his finger lightly tilted Ray's chin in his direction, all the while Ray has refused to look at him, but he didn't care.  
  
Ray did not snap his legs shut the way he would have liked to the moment he was free of Brian's touch. The man was still there, his presence, not just his touch, made Ray immobile. He sat perfectly still staring at the wall waiting for Brian to leave.  
  
Words whispered into his ear were a release no matter how much Ray still craved for some space between himself and Brian. He was almost ready to collapse, he was never more anxious to be out of someone's presence as he was now.  
  
Ray let his head be tilted towards Brian, a moment later, yet another, sickeningly gentle kiss was pressed on his unresponsive lips. He did not react one bit to the touch, the sooner Brian finished, the sooner he would be gone.  
  
Ray stayed in his position while Brian threw the blankets back over his legs, right until Brian has gathered the cream he put on his foot and his old bandages and left the room.  
  
Only when Brian was gone, the pressure seemed to drain from Ray's body and he fell back into the pillows seemingly drained. Emotionally as well as physically, he felt like he ran a marathon, all the breath that was stolen from him during the ordeal seemed to want to get into his lungs all at once and it was still not enough.  
  
That was too close, way too close... Ray closed his eyes and willed the rest of him to relax, as of now, he feared and hated every molecule of Brian's being. Taking deep breaths he forced them to slow down. He was still shaking, Ray did his best to calm down but it was taking all the effort he could master and it was only the fatigue that suddenly fell over him that aided him in his attempt to compose himself.  
  
This was just the beginning, he knew it, this was just a quick taste of what waited for him as long as he stayed here, and stay here he would, because currently, he was a nobody in this world with nowhere to go. And this...this was probably still nothing, Ray didn't want to think about how it would be if Brian used some of that strength of his, because Ray was sure there would be a time where Brian would grow tired of just watching him tremble and want to hear him scream.  
  
What would that be like, Ray didn't know how much he could take quietly, he would snap, he would panic and start trashing, fight, and then he would loose. He would not get away with it easily either. Brian would make sure to beat any desire of fighting him physically out of Ray, of that Ray was more then sure, and all that he will achieve, would be more pain. It seemed so unavoidable and Ray dreaded that time more then anything.  
  
'What would it be like to bleed for him?' thought Ray idly as he lay on the bed once again staring at the light purple wall that looked stony grey in the semi darkness.  
  
Brian's touch seemed to linger on his skin, he could almost still feel the crawling sensation, and it served to remind him about what he has gotten himself into. Ray wanted to scream and cry on the inside, but he kept all his feeling suppressed, he could only fight him in his mind.  
  
His mind seemed to be already loosing though and the premonition of the time his body would bleed for the man seemed too real, he could almost feel the future pain already and the vision refused to fade, no matter how hard he tried to push it out of his head.

AN: Thank you for all the reviews I got from both the friends that I asked to R&R this and from people who found this story on their own, I appreciate it all very much. The more reviews I get, the faster I update, because I prioritize with most popular stories and put the less popular stories on hold, so keep reviewing people! More abuse coming up!


	4. Ghosts

Ray couldn't remember drifting off to sleep. He has been so emotionally drained that it could hardly even be called sleep, more like unconsciousness; a dreamless oblivion yet again.  
  
Over the next few days, Brian came home twice, every day at the same time: once, at two in the afternoon, and then again at two in the morning. He would usually stay anywhere from half an hour to three hours before disappearing gods knew where.  
  
Ray had no idea what he did the rest of his day, where he slept, if he even slept decently at all or whom he was with, neither did Ray have any care to find out. Brian's personal life was none of his concern and he had a feeling that the less he knew about it, the easier his life would be.  
  
In the time Brian was home, if this even was his permanent home and not just a place he occasionally showed up at, he would tend to Ray with startling care. Not care in the normal meaning of the word, but care as in meticulousness, he was making sure that Ray's foot was getting better seeing as the rest of Ray has been well for some time now. Ray, for the most part, chose not to think up reasons for Brian's eagerness to see him completely healthy again. In the back of his mind, of course, he knew the reason, but he avoided it.  
  
Surprisingly, Brian didn't make any moves on Ray since the first time, he would tend to his injury, make sure that he was not hungry or thirsty, make sure that everything else was in order and then disappear to wherever it was he went every day.  
  
At first, Ray dreaded to be touched by Brian again, he thought that if Brian stopped the first time, there was no guarantee that he would stop the second, and at first, Ray did his best to prevent the second time from ever happening. But it seemed that he had nothing to worry about, keeping true to his word, Brian did not hurt him. After a while, he even stopped annoying him with his words keeping all conversation and interaction between them to a minimum.  
  
Ray was relieved at this new turn of events, being treated like a patient in a hospital, or a piece of furniture that needed maintenance was Even though Ray got the point that he was safe until he could walk again he still couldn't help but tense every time Brian was there, and for the short periods that he was, Ray would always find himself wishing that he wasn't.  
  
It was currently the fifth day he has spent in this bed, one forty-five in the morning, Brian would be back in fifteen minutes, he knew that he would be, he was never late, not even by a minute. He lay in the silence having had plenty of sleep during the day.  
  
Once, he had missed the time Brian came back to wake up half an hour later and find food left for him on the table and his foot once again re- bandaged. Nothing was wrong with that, but after the incident with Brian molesting him, he could not stand the idea of being touched by Brian at all and not knowing exactly what happened. Ever since then, Ray made it a duty to always be awake for when Brian would return.  
  
He waited silently looking at the clock on the grayish purple wall, minutes passing by too fast for his liking. Weren't they supposed to pass slowly when you were waiting in a room all by yourself? Guess that didn't count for when you were waiting for something that you didn't want to happen. It was now, exactly two in the morning, and any minute now he expected the lock to click and Brian's soft footsteps to echo in the room. He waited, and waited some more. Five minutes have passed and still he waited. Ten minutes have gone by, then fifteen, then twenty, and Brian still didn't walk through that door.  
  
Ray was starting to wonder if something happened to the lavender-haired man, he has never been more then tree minutes late...maybe he wasn't coming back? Ray had seen signs before, subtle signs, just snippets of Brian's behavior that hinted on his lifestyle, and if he was right about Brian's lifestyle...maybe he really was never coming back?  
  
Guiltily Ray hoped that it was true, guiltily not because he didn't want to be rid of Brian, but because the remnants of his once high morals dictated that it was wrong for him to wish death upon anyone, even if that person was Brian. But even with those thoughts running thought his head, he went to sleep eventually feeling guilty only from the shattered ideal, and not at all for wishing that Brian was gone from his world for good.  
  
Hours have passed until he woke up, it was eleven in the morning and he was still alone, blessed silence lingered in the room, not a single object out of place to indicate that anyone has been there while Ray slept. Blessed silence, he wished it never to be broken, this place, it could be a good place to stay in, as long as he could stay here alone.  
  
Ray wondered, and came up with a conclusion that he was letting his wishful thinking get the better of him, it was, by no means safe to say that he was free, but wishful thinking was just that and it made his mood lighter. On that note, he chose to get out of the bed, there were a few things that nagged at his mind that needed taking care of, and he could not take care of anything if he was lying around like a log.  
  
He expected his foot to hurt like a bitch when he first tried stepping on it, but all he got was a dull ache, Brian had done a hell of a good job taking care of it, normally, a sprain of that magnitude would take at least another week to heal and allow him to walk, he must've underestimated his captor's medical talent.  
  
A memory stirred in his mind, someone telling him that those who could heal best, could hurt best too, it was all in the knowledge of the body and how it worked, the two talents were highly related. If that was true, then it was no surprise Brian knew what he was doing, after all, Ray knew personally how good Brian was at hurting.  
  
Limping lightly to the bathroom he tried not to put much weight on his foot in case he injure it more, it was still tender. Ray locked himself in the small room, shedding his clothes, which happened to be just his boxers; he climbed into the shower and turned the heat up as much as he could take it. Using Brian's shower did not feel right, but somehow, even after all that time passed, he still could feel Brian's hands on him, he needed to try and wash the sensation off.  
  
A good two hours have passed before Ray washed himself and his enormous hair probably using more of Brian's shampoo at once then the older man used in a month. Somehow, it gave Ray a weird satisfaction to be able to use Brian's things without permition, he wasn't quite sure what it was, probably just the feeling of being in control after being subjected to control for almost a week.  
  
Ray felt apprehension upon leaving the bathroom, what if Brian had returned and was waiting for him outside and he was to walk out there, wet, naked and after having used Brian's things? Pushing the feelings of dread and anxiety away Ray unlocked the door and stepped out, almost expecting to see the man there and preparing to say something defensive. But the room was empty, Brian never returned.  
  
Ray scolded himself in his mind for being so jittery, even in his absence, Brian was able to hold a certain sway on Ray's behavior, and Ray didn't like this change in himself, it wasn't like him to be so scared of someone who wasn't even there.  
  
Even though Ray was alone, he still felt too weird dressed in nothing, and as he couldn't find his own clothing he was forced to look through the dresser in the room. Most of the clothes belonging to Brian were, as expected, too big for him. Finally, not finding anything suitable he pulled on a pair of loose cargo pants and a turtleneck, anything that would cover as much skin as he could.  
  
'Brian will kill me if the bastard is still alive and ever decides to come back' thought Ray. He was almost wishing that he just stayed in bed and not touched anything, but that was ridiculous and he knew it, yet, no matter how logical his actions seemed, his heart felt heavy, almost guilty.  
  
Or maybe he was just still afraid that Brian would come back and be pissed off that his 'pet', as Ray bitterly remembered himself being called, went around touching things. Stupid, uncontrolled fears, he always believed himself better then that, stronger then that, but somehow, he couldn't help what he felt.  
  
To Ray, time dragged on for eternity, with nothing to do, and seemingly nothing to anticipate he was starting to feel bored. He made himself dinner out of what he found in the cupboards more to pass the time then because he was hungry, even though he hadn't eaten in a long time, the appetite just wasn't there. The rest of the day has gone by with him waiting until he fell asleep on the bed, staring out of the window.  
  
Ray never really wondered about what it was he was waiting for, he was sure that he didn't want Brian to come back, yet, unaware of it himself, he was still waiting for him.  
  
The sun in his face woke him up, he has slept through the whole night never waking up at two in the morning the way he did when Brian was around. To Ray, that was a good sign, he didn't want to think that he was developing some kind of unconscious mechanism that worked his sleep pattern according to Brian's schedule, he didn't want to be dependent on the man in any possible way.  
  
And so, that day went by like the previous, and so did the next one, no change, except that he could walk much easier now then he did when he first got up. Ray has explored the apartment quite thoroughly by that time, he has gotten over the initial fear of the owner of this place coming back to catch him snooping around, and cats were after all, curious creatures.  
  
Ray was quite sore that he wasn't looking for anything in particular, probably, the reason he was looking around was to prove to himself that he could. He remembered how uneasy he felt touching anything when Brian first didn't come back, to erase that feeling, get rid of that hold that the man put on him, or the hold that the fear of that man put on him, Ray purposely looked everywhere he knew Brian would not let him if he was still here. Defiance, that's what it was, if Brian ever came back, he would pay for it, but while the man was away, Ray thought it was worth it.  
  
Mostly, there was nothing interesting in the room. The clothes that Brian had were mostly simple and comfortable, but not without style. Almost all of the books on his bookshelf were classics, great writers and poets, works at which Ray had to marvel.  
  
Brian owning such things seemed out of place, but when putting poetry and Brian together, no image of sensitivity formed in Ray's mind, the only thing that Ray could see in this that one, Brian was better educated that he might've given him credit for, and that two, Brian was a rather strange and unpredictable person, if some of the tomes he had chosen spoke anything about his personality at all.  
  
Ray couldn't help himself but pick out a book he wanted to read, trying to finish it fast, despite the language barrier and the difficulty of the text. It was nagging at his mind that if Brian did come back, he might not be able to ever finish reading the masterpiece of literature and he couldn't resist such a treat, he wanted to read it, Brian had good taste.  
  
The neko-jin explored every other inch of the apartment finding little more to interest him, except the paintings on the walls, of which, he got a better look now that he could see them up close. Apparently, they were all original paintings, some in watercolor, some in acrylics and some in oil. And despite the range of medium, Ray recognized the similarity in styles, they were all done by the same artist.  
  
Unless Brian hired an interior decorator to put together the whole room, Ray couldn't picture where the paintings came from, if he could picture Brian having appreciation for literature, picturing the brutal man having appreciation for art as well was harder.  
  
Ray was almost ready to give up on searching through the apartment when something caught his eyes, hidden away in the furthest drawer, underneath heavy winder clothing was an old picture frame.  
  
Turning it over Ray looked at the people in it, definitely a family portrait. A young woman stood beside a tall handsome man, his strong built lightly reminded Ray of Brian's, the same muscular classical structure, both tall. But unlike Brian, the man was of much darker complexion. Tanned skin, obsidian hair, but what was startling about his face were his eyes, hollow like Brian's they were the color of steel, silvery, sharp and cold.  
  
Ray turned his attention to the woman, her fair face and light skin was like Brian's. The woman must be his mother, there was no doubt where Brian got his light lavender eyes and hair. And to say that the woman was unearthly beautiful was to not give her credit, she was like a goddess, a soft smile on her flawless face was almost sad, like her eyes. She was smiling, content, but at the same time the sadness was buried deeper then her face, Ray could see it.  
  
Right behind her stood a tall youth with the same hair, eyes and featured. He was taller then her, almost his father's height leaning over her almost protectively, his long lavender hair framing his angular, somewhat feminine face. Ray could only take a guess that it must be Brian's older brother, the traits were the same, but they didn't look alike, the man in the picture looked gentle and calm, nothing like the severity of Brian's face.  
  
In front of the eldest man stood a girl; probably twelve or so years old. Her hair, was a few shades darker, almost purple and her eyes were the same metallic grey as her father's. In her hands she held a child no older then five, light lavender eyes shining brightly, a wide smile on his face.  
  
Ray put the picture away trying to burry the image away, he knew Brian had no family, none of the children in the abbey did and so, all the people in that picture were long dead. And that included the smiling child. 'All children are happy while they are still innocent, and he will never smile like that again' The thought should have made Ray sad, but for some reason it didn't, and as he closed the drawer and went back to reading his book for the rest of that day, he never wondered why Brian bothered to keep the relic.  
  
The next day didn't bring much excitement either, Ray's anxiety has settled and he was almost content doing practically nothing sitting around and just reading for the rest of the day, occasionally looking out of the window. He wished he could do this for the rest of his life, but whoever was that lucky?  
  
Getting up from the bed he was sitting on he put down the book on the night table and walked to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. The sweet aroma of peppermint filled the air. Leaning against the counter he sipped the tea feeling more content that he felt in a whole month, he probably should not have been so at ease here, his rational part of the brain told him so, but after the many places that he's been in the past year, this one seemed one of the nicest, as long as he was the only one occupying it.  
  
Closing his eyes he let his mind drift a little, the past few days were rather peaceful, whatever happened to Brian, Ray was benefiting from it. He was quite far away in his daydreams; half of his tea was gone when a quiet turn of the key and the sound of the opening door jolted him out of his peaceful stupor.  
  
All color drained from Ray's face, he nearly dropped the cup he was holding but managed not to, only for the fear of the sound alerting the new arrival to where he was. Excuses started to rush through his head as he almost threw the unfinished cup of tea into the sink and edged out of the kitchen.  
  
Ray had to hold on to the doorframe and bite his tongue before he started blabbering something that resembled a plea for forgiveness, Ray refused to let himself be intimidated so much as to actually plea, he was too proud for that, or at least, he hoped that he still was. He was forcing himself to stay silent and not panic, forcing himself to think and believe that he was not afraid of the man standing in the hallway and that Brian was no threat.  
  
'He came back...now I'm in trouble...' thought Ray staring at the man who was slowly removing his shoes. It was six in the afternoon, not the usual time Brian came back, but what did that matter?  
  
Not sparing Ray even a glance Brian walked right past him and straight for the bed collapsing onto it almost before he reached it. Ray stared in mild surprise at the fallen form; the man was asleep even before his head reached the pillow.  
  
Observing Brian from a safe distance Ray noticed that he was paler then usual, dark circles under his eyes indicated lack of sleep, and just his overall appearance suggested that he has been doing something tiring for quite some time, tiring enough to make him pass out like that.  
  
Seeing Brian in his weakened state somewhat boosted Ray's confidence, the man was not invincible. Years ago, Ray might've even felt pity for even Brian seeing him in such a state after he has been god knows where for three days straight, but now, Ray was just glad that he was not still lying in that bed.  
  
'Now would probably be a good time to get out of here' thought Ray in his mind sounding calmer and more rational then he felt. If he had found money anywhere in Brian's apartment while he was snooping, he probably would have taken it and left, but leaving a warm place with food with no money and no other place to go did not seem like such a good idea, as he had thought of it before, staying here would be dangerous, but he had little choice.  
  
Rinsing the cup he left in the kitchen Ray tried to stay as quiet as he could hoping that Brian would take his sweet time and not wake up any time soon. He tried to straighten up as much as he could to make it less noticeable that he looked around, but even though, he knew that Brian would notice at the first glance that things were out of place all over the apartment. Part of Ray wondered if Brian would even care, but even if he didn't, Ray was sure he would still pretend that he did to give himself an excuse to harass Ray more.  
  
There didn't seem anything else he could do to occupy himself except to sit down on the window seat, look at the dirty streets below and watch Brian sleep. The way the man was laying was probably highly uncomfortable, his neck twisted at an almost impossible angle, his body slanted against a pillow and his legs sticking out and off the bed, Ray could've moved him, seeing as Brian took such good care of him, he probably should have.  
  
'Right...' thought Ray sarcastically, there wasn't a chance he would do anything for the man willingly, he didn't owe him anything, at least, nothing which Brian would not take payment for soon enough. 'Gods, please don't let him wake up...' thought Ray shivering lightly at the unwanted presence in the room, already missing the sweet peaceful solitude.  
  
Spotting the book where he left it, Ray couldn't bare to put it away, he didn't finish reading it yet and if he put it away, he probably wouldn't get a chance to look for it again. Creeping towards the bed, Ray picked it up carefully and hid it under the bed, not on the floor, but right under the mattress where it would not be obvious.  
  
All the stealth probably was unnecessary, Brian was so tired he wouldn't wake up if a gun was fired near his ear and all Ray's precautions only proved to the neko-jin how much on edge Brian's presence put him. After that was done, Ray felt kind of sick with himself for putting up, and even going along with this kind of existence. He didn't really want to think about it, but even though, when he settled back on the window seat, he couldn't help but ponder his own sanity.  
  
Perhaps, there was yet another reason why Ray chose to stay even though he could technically leave. He used the excuse that he had nowhere to go, but he had nowhere to go before, and he survived. Perhaps, it was because deep down inside he believed in karma, that this torture, it was supposed to happen, he deserved it. Deep down inside, he would never admit it to himself, use any excuse he could find to cover up the truth, but in his heart, he knew that he stayed to punish himself.  
  
Brian slept unmoving for the rest of the day and the whole night, a sleep with no dreams and no feelings at all. Those three days he was away, they were three days of complete hell, three days of a never-ending car chase through the city, outside the city, back in the city. They moved, then they would wait, sit on the low, then they would move again, what a nightmare, chasing what seemed to be a ghost. Finally it was over though, the ghost was put to rest, the threat eliminated and he could finally go home.  
  
In the morning, Brian woke up quite sore, he was aware that it was just the position in which he fell asleep, his muscles were stiff, but this happened before, he would be fine. Getting up nearly silently and quite gracefully for someone who was in quite a bit of pain Brian looked around surveying the changes in his surroundings.  
  
'Curiosity killed the cat' he thought with a smirk noticing so many things out of place. The raven-haired teen was still asleep, curled up on the window seat. Brian took his time observing the boy, long black hair still undone fell in waves over his shoulders, the light slightly large for him blue turtleneck matched him surprisingly well. The navy cargo pants that he wore were baggy, too long and loose around the waist; they'd probably hang off his hips if he stood up. It amused Brian how childish Ray looked in the too big for him clothes.  
  
Walking up to Ray almost silently he placed his hand on the neko-jin's shoulder watching him stir from his sleep at the light touch, so he was a light sleeper after all, must be feeling better then. Before Ray could fully awaken Brian slammed his back into the wall behind him, not enough to injure him, but enough to jolt him wide awake.  
  
"Good morning sunshine..." Brian purred with satisfaction feeling Ray tremble at the sound of his voice. Angry slits burning with hate turned on him, Brian could see Ray biting his tongue to prevent himself from saying anything "you don't seem glad to see me, ouch, I'm hurt, and there I thought that you would be, seeing how liberated you felt in my home." Brian saw Ray go paler, but of course kitten, how could he not notice that almost everything was out of its proper place.  
  
"Pity that you are back...I was hoping that you were dead." Ray growled baring his fangs.  
  
Brian's hollow eyes narrowed dangerously and the grip on Ray's shoulder became vice-like, bruising the pale skin below, fingers digging in more then they should have ever been able to, threatening to crush Ray's bones like an eggshell.  
  
The neko-jin gritted his teeth in pain, not allowing himself to cry out. His initial instinct was to fight against the physical abuse, but he checked it keeping his arms and fists down remembering and being reminded what kind of strength he was going against.  
  
"Now Ray, that wasn't nice of you. For your information, I came very close to being killed; I don't like to be reminded about it." It occurred to Ray that Brian was dead serious, he knew that possibility to be real, but never really believed it until now. Being told by the man that he could've died and knowing that he wished that Brian did kind of made him sick. What a surprise that was too, he didn't think that he had those kind of morals any more, must've been wrong.  
  
Ray's body shook and he gasped in air to try and control the pain that laced through his shoulder. One glance at Brian told him that the man was surprised by his lack of physical resistance, but somehow, this was something he could take. Being touched by Brian in other ways was the something he couldn't.  
  
It didn't take Brian long to catch on to that, the pain stopped, but Brian's hand didn't leave Ray's shoulder. He didn't care much for that at the moment though, leaning against the cold glass he shut his eyes firmly, breathing deeply. That has definitely not been a pleasant experience.  
  
A small bead of cold sweat rolled down his cheek, Ray moved to wipe if off, but his wrist was caught by Brian's hand midway. His breath hitched and froze in his chest when Brian leaned in, pressing himself into the wall and the glass he willed in his mind for Brian to stop. His mind's prayer was left unanswered however when he felt the heat from Brian's body over him, and then the wetness of Brian's tongue tracing a trail over his cheek, licking away his sweat.  
  
It made Ray feel sick, nauseated and for all the heat that was coming from Brian, he felt very cold. A moment elapsed and the man was gone, walking to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee or something, leaving Ray trembling on the window seat.  
  
Shakily Ray go up and made his way to the bed burying himself into the blankets and pillows, seeking their warmth and protection, as if he covered his head with the blanket the monster would not get him.  
  
The boy heard footsteps near the bed, then the bed shifted indication that Brian was sitting on it, but he deliberately ignored the man's presence, somehow, with a mere touch Brian managed to make him physically sick. That creature, he could hardly call him a man, he must be poisonous to be able to do something like that.  
  
The bed shifted again and the blanket was pulled off his head, the light hit his face and he could breathe properly again. Ray refused to acknowledge that Brian was so close to him, it seemed that he didn't even have strength left to glare at the man, or maybe he has forgotten how to in the few days Brian was away, in any case, he just settled for plain ignoring the man.  
  
Maybe it was just Ray's intuition, but he had a feeling that Brian wasn't out to hurt him at the moment. The man's hand was running through Ray's bangs occasionally brushing against Ray's skin making him want to sob every time. Ray had his back to Brian, one would think that the man would get the idea, he won't get much of a reaction from the boy now, at least not the kind of reaction that Ray knew Brian was looking for, but Brian didn't seem to care.  
  
Maybe half an hour went by with Brian just playing with his hair. Ray didn't think that Brian was doing that to annoy him this time; this was probably just because Brian simply liked his hair. Not surprising seeing how Brian liked the rest of his body as well, but as long as he wasn't hurting him, or touching him below the waist, Ray could handle it, or he thought he could.  
  
The man must've finished his coffee because he settled to lie behind Ray wrapping his arm around the smaller body and pulling Ray against his muscular chest.  
  
"You're all mine, you know that kitten, right?" Ray felt hot breath on his ear whisper the words that he hated to hear. Even to Brian's surprise Ray found himself nodding, not to Brian's question though, more to himself, after all, he had his chance, he made this decision himself.  
  
Ray felt Brian smile against him, why would he, after all, on the outside, it seemed like Ray has given up, that wasn't what Brian wanted, Ray knew the falcon didn't want him broken so soon. The arms around him tightened and a kiss was pressed behind his ear, one from which he fruitlessly tried to pull away.  
  
Those damn kissed, he felt like each one branded him as Brian's property, no doubt that Brian thought of him as such, and the gentle arms around him were not protective, only possessive.  
  
"I hate you, you know that right...?" Ray wasn't sure what made him say so, he just wanted to for some reason.  
  
"You have a way of stating the obvious and still making it sound important" Brian murmured from behind "But yes...of course I know that."  
  
Ray didn't say anything else, the weird thing was, having Brian know how he felt about the man made him feel better. A few minutes passed in silence with Ray waiting for Brian to speak, he could feel a conversation coming...or an interrogation, seeing as him and Brian didn't talk like normal people did because Brian wasn't a normal person.  
  
"Well?" Ray finally broke the silence irritated.  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Whatever you wanted to know, ask and get off of me!" Ray growled stiffening under Brian's arms and pulling the covers closer getting sick of having to tolerate the other's proximity.  
  
"How?"  
  
The question might've seemed meaningless and unspecified, but Ray knew all along what it was Brian was going to ask, so he knew what he meant and how to answer.  
  
AN: weird chapter, I'm not sure if I'm very happy with it, probably not, but it's setting up for the next one. It should follow pretty close after this one because I usually don't like leaving cliffies, or semi cliffies like this one. 


	5. Deja vu

"How?"

How indeed? How did he ever end up like this? Ray really wasn't sure of the exact circumstances. He knew approximately when it stated. Well, actually, there were two instances that could be considered the beginning of his fall. He wasn't completely clear which the exact genesis of disaster was. Whether it was when he told Lee that he would be fine on his own, or the moment he met Dimitriy didn't really make a difference any more.

After the world championship Ray had a chance to go home with his team, he had half a mind to as well. The tournament was over, the team was finished and so was Mr. Dickenson's and BBA's sponsorship. Ray had once thought that Mr. D cared, but when it came down to it, beyblading was a sport, any sport was a business, any business boiled down to one thing, money.

Money was something Ray found was rather hard to come by. There were so many things to see in Russia, he didn't want to leave so soon. Yet Lee was right, he should have listened to him. When Ray declared that he was staying, Lee was the first one to oppose his decision. Russia of all places was not a place to stay without a guardian angel to watch over you. Ray made it alone, or almost alone, for so long that Lee's concerns seemed ridiculous to him. Their ideas of the real world clashed and so did their tempers.

When the fuss was over, the rift that was torn open between Lee and Ray was even greater then the one that formed when Ray first left the White Tigers. Ray's naïve confidence and the consequences of it made themselves known to him sooner then he expected. Mr. D's guardianship was very soon missed and Ray found that his luck has run out. He stayed in Russia as a tourist without a care in the world for too long. When it was time to move on there were no means left to allow him to do so.

Ray had never thought of himself as a careless spender, and for the most part he was not. It was just an unfortunate detail that he overlooked, but at certain times of the year prices for airline tickets rose.

Finding someone willing to buy what he had to sell was an easy fluke in Japan. In Russia, none of his skills were in demand. For the first time Ray found out what it is like to be unwanted.

He was unwanted in the deepest sense of the word. His pride, the greatest of mortal enemies would not allow him to contact Lee. Back then he already realized that he was in trouble, but he still stubbornly insisted on getting himself out if it on his own.

Ray found a whole range of barriers preventing him from succeeding. In Russia as a beyblader he was not just unwanted, but plainly despised. There was no popularity for him amongst the Russian fans. Other trades he was either not skilled enough in, or not qualified for. Along with the language barrier and his age due to which he was not taken seriously, he discovered one more thing standing in his way. A startling revelation, Ray discovered the meaning of prejudice.

The championship was over, the fans, teams and tourists have for the most part left Moscow. The majority of the population was native and rather ill disposed towards a foreigner. He did not know the approach to take with these people. Ray was an alien element and even more reluctant the employers were because of his heritage then his age and inability to speak Russian.

In short, he had no money and no way to earn money either. Very quickly his situation was becoming grace. Beggars were not choosers, finally Ray settled for a low paying job carrying boxes at a shoe warehouse. It was demeaning, there was no skill or brainwork involved and he quickly learned the few Russian sentences that he was required to know to do his job. That kind of meaningless labor sure knocked his pride down a notch.

Ray was trying to save money, as such, he could not afford housing on his own. Proper housing was hard enough to find, proper room-mates even harder. Daily expenses made saving up for a ticket home hard and slow. He had to finally admit it to himself; he was stuck in the dump for a while.

As sick as the situation was, it was a learning experience and by no means hopeless. It didn't become hopeless until news of the accident reached him. Household accidents were always one of the leading causes of death and were never taken seriously until they struck home. Some things are just so elementary that one doesn't stop to consider them. Like sticking a fork in a plugged in toaster, everyone knows that you are not supposed to do that and the dangers involved. So much so, it's so simple, that hardly anyone really thinks about it when they do the same mistake that has killed numerous people before.

The simpler, the more careless people were. When Ray found out that Mariah was killed by a toaster, he thought fate was laughing at him. That was the time he had to go home. That was also the time he should have abandoned his pride. Admitting failure and above all asking for money from a man who just lost his sister was more then Ray could bear. He couldn't say it was pride any more that kept him from telling Lee what has been happening, more like fear and shame.

All this time he has lied to Lee out of pride. Their fight was not a silent one, they write to each other. Lee wrote "Are you ready to crawl home yet?" and Ray replied "I'm doing better then ever here, why would I crawl to your hole?" The fighting turned bitter, on both ends, the environment turned Ray bitter. When the time came, he still had no money to go home and no courage to admit to the devastated Lee the truth.

Ray did the worst thing possible, he missed her funeral. That was a blow, he realized, even Lee could not recover from. That severed their friendship for good, there was no going back home now.

All along Ray has not been doing that well, that tragic event was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Guilt was a crippling emotion that ray was not used to dealing with. He always had a justification, a clean consciousness. Foolishness, overconfidence and pride though were not grounds firm enough to fall back on in defense of the voice in his head. Lee's voice was telling him over and over again "I told you so."

That day was the first time that Ray came home from work without a purpose. Yes, his home. Also, the first time he ever thought of it as home. It was no longer a temporary lodging, his life in Russia became real now. Ray still thought that he would have made it on his own, climbed out of the pit of depression eventually. If only at that most vulnerable time he was left to his own devices and was allowed to sort his mess out uninfluenced, he would have been able to get over it and move on.

They say criminals have an eye for the most vulnerable at the most vulnerable time. Until then, his room-mate never took notice of him. Ray worked days, slept nights. Dimitriy worked nights, slept days. They didn't see each other much and there really was no need for any communication between them except once a month when they got together to pay the rent. That day, though, Ray didn't go to work. He had some money saved up only now, nothing to do with it. His world was a dream with nothing permanent, nothing real, and nothing that mattered in it. IT was just grief that was making him think that, but Dimitriy took advantage of it.

There are healthy ways to deal with grief and there are destructive ways. Ray saw no difference through the fog blinding his usually sharp senses. Grief was temporary, but at the moment, to Ray it seemed like it would last forever. Dimitriy showed him the quick way to escape forever. Oh, he was smooth; he knew his art in and out. Hopelessness was all-consuming. Dimitriy became a catalyst for disaster; drugs became the escape from guilt and loss hat Ray craved for.

If he had known then how little Dimitriy actually cared about him, he would have pulled out the other's eyes then and there. Smiles, support, kind words, companionship and a sense of belonging were deceptive. Ray had never been depressive, but strong people have moments of weakness. When his character failed him, so did his luck.

"I don't care any more." was the worst thing Ray's mind ever produced. It was like a phase he was going through. To kill the pain and the accusing voice in his head Ray forsaken the morals that were the foundation of his strength.

Those few months were the most crucial mistake he has made so far. Associating with Dimitriy was more dangerous then he originally judged. Eventually the fog cleared from his eyes and Ray began to see reality again. Either that, or Dimitriy just started to show him more then he was ready to see just yet.

The real world crushed down around Ray. He wasted the money he had saved up, he was not physically addicted to drugs, but mental addiction was just as deadly. Worst of all, by associating himself with Dimitriy he made himself dependent on the man. Dimitriy kept a financial hold in him and he intended to maintain that superiority by making Ray continue to spend money. Outings to the bar, expensive car rides, drinking, raves, parties, drugs, Ray could not save a penny with these continuing expenses that were being forced on him. Dimitriy was hard to refuse. Short of running away from his own home, ray could not break away from him.

The streets had to be better then living with Dimitriy. He wasn't caring; he was manipulative, liar, and generally bad company. Ray's elders would have lost all their gray hair at once if they found out that Ray got mixed up with a drug dealer. He couldn't kick the man out, so he left himself. It was both a good and a bad decision, but in the end, whatever his intentions were for leaving, they didn't come through for him.

Dimitriy was consciously dragging Ray down, he had to stop it. Unfortunately for Ray, in those few months he deteriorated from his former self. There was no place for him in Russian workforce to begin with, there was even less place for him there now. Staying hand been a rode to hell, but leaving was suicide. Ray was not adapted to surviving on Moscow's streets on his own. He was doomed from the moment he stepped out of his small apartment.

Ray has been falling, for a while now. Morally, physically, socially, in every way and respect, perhaps even mentally a little. The phrase "I don't' care any more" came back to him. Old habits die hard, so it was no wonder that with absolutely nothing on him but a few rubels in his pocket and the clothes he was wearing Ray found himself at a bar killing the pain.

"I see, so that's what happened. What a lovely fall from grace" Ray told him everything and Bryan was disappointed. That spirit has been touched by another, cracked. The other was an amateur though. Few days of security and freedom almost mended Ray. He could still have some fun with the neko-jin after all.

Ray gritted his teeth. Oh no, not again. Not a second Dimitriy. A stranger could have fooled him because he used to have faith in strangers. Bryan was no stranger though, Ray already knew what Bryan was up to! He would not be dominated again. Ray's eyes flickered to the window. He would not run again, he couldn't. He already knew that what waited for him there was worse then what he had to endure here, there was nothing but death there. He used to be a fool then. It was different now, he was thinking clearly again, he had a goal again and he wasn't blinded by grief any more. Ray knew what this world was like now! He could escape that kind of dependence this time.

There was just one little thing that bothered Ray a bit. Dimitriy was no criminal, but the man lying behind him was. Ray wasn't sure of it, couldn't be sure of it, but something, instinct perhaps, told him that Bryan was. Ray closed his eyes, no, he learned his lessons now. He was convinced, certain that he was never going to give in to Bryan the way he did to Dimitriy. Not this tyrant, not any tyrant.

"Stupid pet." Ray heard Bryan's voice murmur behind him in pleasure.

The voice made his blood boil and run cold at the same time. "You're all alone now." Ray regretted telling Bryan, he should have lied. Bryan was only going to use the information to rub in the obvious into his face. It's just Ray was not sure he could tell lies when fear gripped his mind like that. Ray could feel Bryan's eyes watching him while he told Bryan the story. It was precisely that factor that made him unable to concentrate enough on the story to forge it smoothly.

Fear…

Ray's eyes widened suddenly and he tensed. Outwardly there was no reason for the sudden reaction, but then, Ray's mind seemed to work slower then Bryan's did. Bryan has already figured this out and was just waiting for Ray to realize it personally. Realization, shock and dread hit him in one powerful nauseating wave. As if there was a fog over his eyes and in the moment of vulnerability Ray told Bryan everything the way it happened, not the way he should have told it to him, if he should have told him anything at all.

A feeling of déjà vu spread through his being. He could hear Bryan's low chuckle, laughter, cool, dark and disturbingly happy. His face paled as he felt the tiger trap close around him again. The boy was shivering under the thick blankets, stress was making him get the chills even though the room was warm and there was plenty of heat coming from Bryan's body. This new realization seeped in deep, down to the very nuclei of every cell in his body. He knew why his mind wanted to shut down, was shutting down every time Bryan was near. Grief was temporary, fear was permanent.

Ray couldn't utter "I don't care any more" under these circumstances. Fear was Bryan's instrument, fear crippled faster and more effectively then any weapon. Bryan's goal though, was for Ray to not care any more. When Ray feared nothing, Bryan can claim his victory. The problem was, Ray wasn't sure he could properly exist once he gets through and past the fear.

Ray stirred from his sleep lifting his face from the pillow. Since when was he able to sleep with Bryan around? Since he was not being given a choice. One can only stay awake for so long. Ray had been determined to stay awake and alert, but he overdid it. Alertness was for moments of crisis, he could not keep up the constant jitters when Bryan was there all the time. Intense work seemed to follow up by intense holiday. Bryan has been home for two days now not leaving anywhere except to get groceries.

Ray wished he could go out; he's been cooped up in this little apartment for too long now. He had to smirk bitterly at the thought of why he was not able to leave the apartment. He knew why he couldn't permanently leave, but now, Bryan was preventing him from leaving even temporarily. How you might ask? The trick was so simple that it was almost laughable. Bryan simply took away Ray's shoes, all shoes in the house for that matter. Ray could not go anywhere barefoot.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position stretching his spine a little, his hair was a mess hanging from either side of his face. Amber eyes looked around the apartment. Once again, everything was in perfect order. Ray scowled at nothing in particular, inanimate objects that were partially the source of his irritation this morning.

Irritation was the result of the humiliation and the inanimate objects, almost anything in this apartment, served to remind him of that humiliation. Ray learned the hard way not to tough Bryan's things. He closed his eyes taking calming breaths of air and pushing the image out of his mind. The image was that of Bryan, lying comfortably on his bed, arms crossed under his head, feet crossed at the ankles, a smug grin branded into his face. He lay there and instructed Ray and watched his every movement as one thing at a time Ray went through everything he has touched earlier and put it back into the exact same place it had been.

Bryan had a photographic memory. The meticulousness with which he oriented everything in his apartment was alarming. It made Ray think that at all times Bryan was expecting thieves in his place. If any ever came, Bryan would know at the first glance what was missing or displaced. It made Ray edgy.

What made Ray even more edgy though was the realization that to Bryan this was all a game. He forced him to try and remember everything he touched, and then move it back by trial and error. Bryan wouldn't tell him where it belonged. Ray had to judge from the fluctuations of Bryan's smirk. A wider grin could either mean that he got it right, or that he was way off and Bryan was enjoying himself too much.

Forever and a day was how long it took to get everything that he touched back into its right places and everything that he didn't touch but now displaced by accident back where it belonged too. Bryan would not let him sleep that night until everything was the way he wanted it. After that, staying awake and alert in Bryan's presence was really hard. He was just too tired and exasperated for that. As a result, Bryan was quite successful in making him hate virtually anything that he saw here.

Ray shifted on the bed then fell back down onto the pillows. There was no point getting out of it. He had no intention what so ever of going through yesterday's shit again and he couldn't do anything except for take a walk around the apartment if he intended not to touch anything. His acute hearing picked up sounds coming from the kitchen, Bryan was still here. Soft footsteps neared him and he closed his eyes forcing his body to relax and pretending to be asleep. He tried this a few times now, so far, Bryan was not fooled.

An invisible weight fell over him, the weight of Bryan's shadow. Ray almost felt his heart still in his chest. 'Breathe you idiot!' he screamed at himself. His chest rose and fell, but the initial hesitation was not missed by Bryan's hollow eyes. Ray could sense the smirk spreading across the other's face even though he couldn't see him.

He could feel the movement of air from the movement of Bryan's hand brushing against his lips, a coolness passing over the hypersensitive flesh. The barely tangible static buzz that raised the hairs on ends passed over his neck as Bryan brushed his hand lower. He didn't have to touch Ray. Actually, not feeling the touch, just feeling its shadow was even worse.

Ray heard a chuckle and his heart skipped a beat. He could feel the shadow and its weight retreating. For a moment he thought that he did it, managed to fool Bryan into thinking that he was sleeping. A moment later he must've witnessed what a rabbit must feel at the moment a hawk's talons sink into its throat. Bryan's fingers curled around his neck, nails digging into the sides painfully. Ray's eyes instantly flew open, hard not to when you were dangling clear off the bed by your throat.

His wide eyes stared up into Bryan's, emotionless, empty, slightly narrowed, almost thoughtfully. The semi-gasp semi wheeze that escaped Ray's mouth fell on deaf ears. Or seemingly deaf, Bryan didn't miss details. He just chose to ignore some.

"Your little game is getting old." Bryan sounded bored. His answer was a strangled cough. Ray's throat came free of Bryan's grip and he fell onto the pillows coughing.

"You…can't be…the only one….who gets to….play." Ray spoke while coughing. He looked up expecting to see surprise at his boldness on Bryan's face. He wasn't afraid of Bryan and he wanted to show him that.

Bryan noticed the widening of Ray's eyes a moment after he looked up. He could always make blood drain from the neko-jin's face. Ray didn't get what he wanted. The expression on Bryan's face was not that of surprise. Cruel amusement, Ray's joke was about to backfire.

So Ray wanted to play with him? Good, he had all day and all night to make him regret it.


	6. Seed of Shame

AN: To all those who waited patiently for this, I am sorry. I really really am. I tried to answer people's reviews, some of you I've reassured that I will indeed continue this fic and here it is, the forever awaited chapter 6. This fic is practically back from the grave, so to compensate, here's finally some action. I hope this was worth the wait and yes, reviews really do motivate me. If it wasn't for all those people reminding me that this was wanted, I might've never been able to finish this. Thank you all.

Instinctively almost Ray shrunk back from the imposing figure towering over him. If only Bryan was not so tall, maybe he would not feel the physical inferiority so acutely. However, Bryan was very tall and Ray felt even smaller lying on the bed before him. His wits came around a little too late, but they did, he recognized the look on Bryan's face and that look promised him a great deal of ill. Ray blanched and crawled slowly backwards on the bed, if he had to run from here, he would run even barefooted. All that stuff about knowing what lay out there was forgotten in the moment of panic when he saw Bryan's gaze, so cold and piercing and filled with such cruel amusement.

Bryan watched him coolly, the panicked tremble of his hands, the jerky uneven movement of his feet, the fear drove him and fear did not create good conditions for reasoning. It was funny in a way, Ray never used to get so easily panicked; someone else damaged him after all. That just made Bryan's job more interesting though, he would just have to inflict damage deeper than that someone else, so deep that those scars would seem like scratches compared with the ones he inflicts.

Ray reached the end of the bed, he didn't want to look at the door because his eyes alone would give him away, but he needed to know if anything was in the way before he ran. Ray chanced a quick glance, his heart skipped a beat and he looked back. He almost thought that Bryan would move fast like lightning and strike him in that very moment he looked away. A false sense of security flooded Ray when Bryan didn't.

Bryan smirked again. Slowly he walked around the bed reached Ray and backhanded him hard across the face. He was smirking silently, proving his point. He didn't need Ray to be not paying attention, even fully alert, there was nothing in his shocked stupor that Ray did to defend himself.

Ray hissed. His face snapped to the side sharply and he heard his neck crack softly; he hopedthat he didn't hurt it. It stung. As a matter of fact, the place where Bryan just hit him stung very much, it almost made him lightheaded. It made him even more embarrassed than lightheaded though. So embarrassed that he didn't look up at Bryan again, he didn't want to see the snide smirk.

"I am going to say this once, do not disappoint me," Bryan spoke in that infuriating matter-of-fact tone of his "Do not try to run now, I promise you, you won't get far."

Ray clenched his fists on the sheets and his jaws, teeth grinding into each other out of barely suppressed anger.

"Didn't you want to play, Kon?"

Ray glared at Bryan's feet.

"Well?" Roughly Bryan grabbed Ray's chin forcing his face up, he wanted to see the enraged expression and the reddened by blush ,face and the fiery eyes narrowed to mere slits. Ray's voice no longer worked and the rest of his body was paralyzed, his face was the only indication at all that he still had any spirit left in him.

The place where Bryan's fingers dug into his skin burned like fire, it hurt! Hot, rough skin of his strong fingers, calloused from handling all kinds of illegal tools, gripped his face—vice-like. It wasn't beyblades that Bryan carried around with him now, Ray was sure of it, he wondered if those fingers became so rough from handling guns.

"Let go!" he tried to pull away but the fingers dug in stronger into his jaw.

"I will in a moment."

Ray looked at him surprised. Did he hear Bryan right? Was he actually going to let go of him this time?

"I have no need to hold you. You are going to do exactly as I say and here I'll tell you why." Bryan looked out the window. "Because if you don't, I'll decide that you are not an amusing enough stray to keep around."

Ray swallowed. If he went out wearing what he was, by afternoon he'd be already frozen to death and he couldn't hope that some kind person would help him. That kind of thing just didn't happen in this part of the city. He hissed realizing his helplessness. Bryan didn't have to keep him here by force, he might have to beg to stay yet!

Like promised Bryan let go of his jaw after smirking triumphantly at Ray's realization of his situation yet again. 'You will curse the day I helped you, Kon Ray.' Bryan thought in his mind.

"Get up." Bryan ordered. After a considerable hesitation where Ray's remaining pride battled fear and common sense the boy stood from the bed. It was helpful now, more fun that Ray could walk, with his foot healed. "Turn around." Bryan gave short commands and watched as Ray, very reluctantly followed them.

Ray felt like his body was stiff. Silently he bit his lips over and over again as he followed Bryan's commands. Inside, he felt all cold, horrified by what was happening, frozen to the very core by such a reality, on the surface, his face burned with living fire. He had to endure such a humiliation now that even if it had been possible to go back to the village, he would not dare show his tainted face there any sooner than when hell froze over.

He stood there staring straight ahead of him, Bryan was silent, he could feel him as a somewhat heavy heat radiating at his back. The moments of silence stretched where Ray's shoulders seemed to knot up with tension the longer he had to wait. He regretted opening his mouth to talk back to Bryan, one should know never to provoke a madman, he should know better!

"Don't move…." He stiffened even more and felt a shudder ripple up his spine when he felt the hot breath on his earlobe as Bryan spoke in a quiet, infuriatingly amused tone, straight in his ear. Ray bit his lip. Let it be over quickly, God, please let it be quick.

He felt large hands descend on his hips, slowly, the fingers dug into the flesh, they weren't bruising, it was hard to press hard enough to bruise when you weren't in a fit of some kind of fury, but Ray could feel them, so heavy, pressing right through the flesh as if to touch the bones.

He stayed still.

The palms of Bryan's hands felt hot, slowly the two hands slid up his sides, under his shirt, the hands seared his skin! Bryan couldn't see his face, Ray closed his eyes firmly balling his hands at his sides. 'Be quick about it…don't draw it out!' he begged in his mind, he was going to be humiliated enough as it was.

Bryan pulled the shirt up feeling his fingers slide over Ray's ribs, he felt Ray shudder a second time. Exited? Or just repulsed? Bryan's smirk widened…obedience was good. The slightly calloused flesh of his fingertips scraped over Ray's smooth skin, smooth and taught, pressed between his thumb and fingers in a grip. Bryan felt the change of texture rather than saw where his hands were, the much softer, yielding skin, a little loose as it dragged under his fingers. His hands stilled, Ray's nipples were small, slightly cool, they were starting to protrude.

He heard Ray suck in a breath through clenched teeth when he touched him there and for a moment thought that Ray was going to throw caution out the window and fight him, but aside from the slight trembling, no doubt caused by inner fury, Ray continued to be still.

Bryan's hands were almost gentle where Ray felt them linger now. Almost considerate, if it wasn't for how long it was taking them to move on. The slightly rough fingertips brushed a single light circle around them and then moved up pulling the shirt with them. If they stayed any longer Ray would have gotten used to the sensation and nothing embarrassing would have happened, but Bryan must've known that and withdrew just in time for them to rise. Ray flushed with shame when he realized that.

For a moment he wasn't sure what Bryan was doing, it seemed sensible to assume that the only reason Bryan's hands went under his shirt is to molest him somehow, but then Ray realized what was happening when his arms were pulled up by the tug of his shirt as it went over his head. Bryan actually had to exert some force because Ray was so tense and didn't realize what Bryan was up to for a moment.

Ray felt the cool air on his torso and tensed even more, he was getting nervous, Bryan wasn't really going to…was he?! He didn't have long to wonder about that, he felt the shirt instead of sliding off his arms tighten roughly around his wrists binding him. A moment of panic nearly sent him into an open struggle but before that could take place his legs were being kicked apart, and a knee pushed in the back of his knees, a firm hand down on his shoulder made him sink to his knees.

Ray reared up in protest. Bryan didn't let him rise though, he knew this was going to happen, Ray was not quite accustomed to this treatment to just submit. Bryan grabbed him by the back of his neck pushing his face down into the bed in front, pulling his arms a little back and straining his shoulders. A little pain should remind Ray. He watched the lithe body in front of him jerk a few times and tremble as for a moment Ray's muscles strained against the hold, and then the current of emotion in Ray must've subsided, he went still again.

Ray breathed heavily feeling his own hot breath as it rebounded from the sheet and against his face. The large hand on the back of his neck felt extremely firm, and further struggle threatened to dislocate his shoulders as Bryan pulled his arms back from lying flat on the bed. He felt his will to fight drain away, the hold on him was too strong and he had good smart reasons to endure. He wouldn't have to if he had been smart from the beginning, he reminded himself, but now this was all he could do. Endure abuse just to survive.

Bryan lowered his arms down letting go, but Ray didn't try to get up a second time, just hid his face between his arms, turning it into the sheet which he gathered between his fingers and clenched onto gripping hard, as if physically taking a hold of his emotions. His face was burning so hot, it felt like it would ignite. Ray breathed deeply now to steady himself, but he was only making himself lightheaded. Kneeling…why did he have to be kneeling? It was mortifying, it came to this, he didn't think he could endure if life with Bryan was going to be like this.

His back was cooling and he felt the hand that has previously let go of his wrists slide over it leaving it's warmth behind. Maybe if he relaxed just a little this will not be so unpleasant, he imagined it's worth if you fought it. It seemed like the only thing to do given that he couldn't overpower Bryan and was out of other options, but Ray honestly wasn't sure if making it easier on himself physically was worth the shame he was already feeling from the submission. Frankly, he was terrified.

That emotion increased when he felt Bryan looming closely over him and his knee pushing slowly between his legs, he was being lifted up on it!

Bryan heard Ray make a muffled noise of protest and saw him tense up again. His smirk widened, watching Ray struggle with necessity was amusing, but Ray was quite wrong about him. Bryan's moral standards were not sky-high, admittedly, but he wasn't a rapist. Rape was just not worth it, there was plenty of willing meat out there for that kind of thing.

He reached around Ray loosening the belt of his trousers and popping the button of his pants open. Bryan could see Ray starting to panic again and he tightened his grip on the back of Ray's neck a little in response.

"Stay still, I will not say it again…." He warned Ray and slid the zipper of his pants down. For a few moments Ray did master himself and stayed still, it was quite impressive, self control versus pride was a difficult battle to fight. But when Bryan pulled his waistband down to just above his knees Ray lost it again.

Ray couldn't handle it! This was wrong, in fact, it was wrong to just lie down and take it. He couldn't just sit back and allow himself to be raped! Necessity be damned, no one should have to endure such a thing!! He struggled trying to twist out of the hold. He survived this long without Bryan, he'd survive without him again, somehow!

The grip on the back of his neck became crushing. Bryan was now pushing down on him with his weight. He had the advantage. His bound straight arms were grabbed again and Bryan pulled back on them sharply. For a moment Ray thought of enduring the pain and continuing to fight but sooner than he expected it became obvious that if Bryan had to break his arms to push him into submission he would, and wouldn't hesitate to do so either. Bryan exerted his authority quickly and decisively and a few seconds since the start of his rebellion Ray had to scream

"No don't!!" he gasped feeling his shoulders about to pop… "Bryan please stop!" this was seriously dangerous! Bryan stopped pulling but didn't lower Ray's arms, he kept him suspended in this very painful position waiting. Ray was breathing hard, a bit of sweat was breaking over his skin, he felt clammy.

Realizing that Bryan was waiting to hear more Ray swallowed his pride… "L-let go…" his voice shook slightly from the painful strain "I'll stay still…" he breathed in deeply "I swear…" this just went from horrible to dreadful, but Ray had a sick feeling that if he hadn't made that rash promise Bryan would have broken his arms.

Yet still Bryan made no movement.

"Bryan please….!" What did it take?! Did he have to beg?!! Ray almost felt tears of frustration gathering at the back of his eyes but he would never let Bryan see them! He heard the man chuckle softly.

Bryan slowly lowered Ray's hands down and let go. He believed Ray. He let go of his neck too, lifting his weight up and stood back looking at him. Ray stayed down settling a little lower once the knee was withdrawn from between his legs. With a twinge of cold amusement Bryan realized Ray was trying to hide his naked ass from view.

"Hun…" Ray heard Bryan. He felt cooled now that Bryan stepped back. He heard him undoing the buckle of his belt and in his mind he kept a chant 'I promised….I promised him…'

A sense of despair washed over him, Bryan had wanted to do this ever since he brought him here, he's just been having fun toying with him till now. And then Ray went and opened his mouth and challenged him. Even if he got up and ran now, with his pants half-way down his legs, almost naked, Bryan could overpower him again just as easily. And then what, would it be more brutal if Bryan had to catch him? Would he get more pissed off? Ray was starting to feel the onset of hollow depression, a sort of numbness as he waited for Bryan to finish taking his pants off.

But there was no telltale soft sound of the falling fabric. Only the rattling of the buckle a little longer than necessary. Ray was starting to feel a little puzzled, he was about to chance a glance back at Bryan when he heard the swish and heard a loud crack. He cried out before he could stop him, the sharp sting told him what happened a moment later once silence was restored because the sound he made, he made only because he was startled. He could handle this kind of pain, and then it dawned on him.

Ray turned his head to look back at Bryan shock written all over his face. With wide eyes he stared at the belt wrapped around Bryan's hand and the smug smirk on Bryan's face.

'I said play, didn't I?' Ray never imagined that Bryan would twist his words into this. He felt like he was going to faint, his mind was wanting very badly to deny this was happening. He saw Bryan swing his arm again and flinched back, his eyes closing tightly shut as the strap of the belt left another rectangular red strip on his buttocks. He didn't cry out, if he made any noise at all it was muffled behind tightly shut lips. He breathed in through his nose feeling his face flush again; he was being whipped…ludicrous!

Bryan watched Ray's body jump and shudder with each blow. Actually, this was a rather delicious sight, Ray seemed to be still confused by the predicament. Bryan was starting to feel a tiny, still frozen, still too laced with plain amusement, seed of affection inside him, it was hard to have someone at his mercy like this and not to feel anything at all, at the very least he delighted in the cruel fun he was having. He swung again even harder making Ray cry out behind sealed lips, he was going to give Ray such a thorough trashing he wouldn't be able to sit tomorrow!

Ray was starting to feel his backside starting to burn, it was harder to keep quiet with every blow, Bryan was keeping the assault area pretty concentrated so that the repeated lash of the strap in the same place was leaving behind a sting that lasted a long time and was unbearable. The old sting was not gone yet before a new blow was dealt. His skin was getting no reprieve. It was so embarrassing, but he couldn't stop himself from squirming trying to avoid the strap, or at least make it fall on a less tender place.

Just as the pain in his backside was becoming unbearable, the blows started falling a little wider. Ray was practically jumping under each crack of the strap. He was riding a wave of adrenaline, Bryan's blows were evenly timed, he anticipated them now, and wasn't sure if that was good or bad. The pain also successfully whipped all thought of humiliation from his mind. His brain was focused on coping with the pain, avoiding the strap, anticipating the next blow, not on how he must look or sound, that shame was going to be left for later to realize.

The strap was now licking the sides and backs of his thighs, his sides and his shoulders. He no longer knew where it would land. It seemed to be taking forever, Ray no longer knew where he would be hit next, he just knew his body seemed to be being tossed around as he tried to jerk away from wherever the strap landed next.

Bryan's eyes acquired a telltale shine to them, speaking stories of sadistic pleasure. Ray no longer kept quiet or even tried to, he no longer tried to stay completely still either nor was he running away. It had nothing to do with his promise now, Bryan was sure, he just reached that point at which his mind was only on what was happening at the very moment. It wasn't such a great pain that it would make him mindlessly try to run away, it was just enough to stifle any proper thought.

And that was perfect. That was exactly what he had wanted to achieve, aside from amusing himself with Ray's misery, he wanted to finally start 'educating' Ray. Conditioning was a process, best to start early. Ray gave him just the excuse he had been waiting for to make the strong-willed guy a little more placid, and he had needed an excuse because it was just that much more fun if Ray only had himself to blame for it.

Bryan saw Ray arch off the bed with another sharp sound being torn from his throat, he was panting for breath now, it wouldn't be long now.

Ray felt like he was being pushed to some kind of limit, he couldn't endure this any more, his body was burning, his skin felt like it would peal! He dreaded every blow now, if he could just run away, but he promised and either way he couldn't! He wouldn't be allowed to. More and more, it kept mounting until quite suddenly a blow hurt so much that he realized he couldn't take it any more.

"Stop!!! Please no more!" his scream didn't sound like his own, it escaped thoughtlessly in the moment when his body rose from the bed under the last excruciating blow. His eyes filled with tears uncontrollably, it was just the sting, it kept the tears ready all this time, something a human couldn't quite help. But they spilled out when Ray realized that this was it, no more blows were raining on him.

He heard Bryan drop the belt and soft footsteps approach him almost silently. Ray was trembling with the effort to restrain the tightness in his throat from breaking, he didn't want to cry. He wasn't even that emotionally upset, and though his skin burned, that was nothing to be crying over…was he that embarrassed? Ray couldn't explain this reaction, he just knew that he wanted to. Was it frustration? Was it hate?

He felt the bonds on his arms loosened and they ached as he pulled them under himself to cover his crimson face. Sliding from the bed he sat on his knees in a hunched over position and then had to kneel up again, it hurt. His backside hurt so much he couldn't sit. Ray balled his hands pressing them against his eyes, horrible, this was horrible!

The bed moved beside him as Bryan sat down and then Ray felt an excruciatingly soft touch brushing his hair. The long strands tickled his abused shoulders and back, it almost hurt. Ray gasped. He breathed, deeply, slowly, he wouldn't, he wouldn't. He couldn't bear to have Bryan laugh at this. The hair tickled as it was being gently brushed from the back of his neck and then he felt a hot breath there and lips kissing the back of his neck, lower, kissing his welted shoulders, his bruised spine. Ray flinched and lost his cool. This was cruel! This was inhumane! How could Bryan do this to him and then dare…dare to touch him like this! The first sob came no matter how hard he was trying to stop it, and once that was free, the others followed. Like a flood, he felt himself almost choking as he cried.

He cried and he laughed at how pathetic he must look, bawling his eyes out for something so small, this wasn't even a real beating, he didn't feel like a real man crying for something like this. He couldn't stop himself. Ray half felt himself being lifted off the floor and placed fully face down on the bed. He wanted to pull away, he hated Bryan, hated, hated, HATED him! Just, he didn't have any strength left in him, he was all drained.

He rode the wave of emotion faintly feeling that Bryan was still running his fingers through his hair. Ray never thought of stopping him physically. What was the bloody point of stopping him from touching his hair if he just did…did that to him. He simply couldn't, he was that helpless, Bryan said stand, and he stood, Bryan said kneel, and he knelt, Bryan said stay still while I beat you and he stayed still. Ray cried louder.

Bryan observed. He was quite satisfied that this outflow of emotion came sooner rather than later, Ray must've been feeling very tense for a while now, he made sure he had been. He would feel better once he was done and he wanted him to relax, to feel better, to become even more vulnerable. He kept petting him because he knew he could. Ray was in no state of mind to protest, and this touch would stick with him, impressions were made easily on a mind softened by such an experience.

Bryan kissed the back of Ray's neck again gently running his fingers over Ray's back and feeling the risen welts all over. He felt Ray flinch and let out a louder sob even as he shuddered. Bryan went back to just petting him. Oh this went simply wonderful, the marks on Ray's body were delicious, with the softest touch he could make him flinch and shudder.

He didn't say anything for a while, not until Ray's sobs gotten quieter.

"Go to sleep now…pet."

He stood up, pulling Ray's pants off of him and threw the cover over him. Ray hardly opened his eyes in response to his words, but that was just fine, he must've exhausted him nice and good, Ray was like putty in his hands right now. He was going to leave him alone for now, Ray might think this a mercy now, but later, that would be precisely why he would regret it.

Ray didn't move. Now that he was still lying with a cover over him, he felt like he was made of heated stone. It was simply impossible to move. He felt so drained and exhausted, physically, emotionally, mentally. The tears were drying on their own in his eyes and now he was starting to feel a cold empty kind of calm settle over him. He was drowsy, just on the edge of sleep. He didn't even react when Bryan yanked his pants off.

He listened to Bryan pick up his belt, go to the kitchen, dress, leave the little apartment. And then he was alone and for a while he just drifted, pet….he felt a bit like an animal. But he didn't go to sleep. Maybe a spark of self was not beaten out of him, but unfortunately it was just large enough for him to open his eyes some fifteen minutes later, the momentary reprieve of emptiness exhaustion brought, gone, to realize how miserable he was.

How helpless Bryan made him feel.

How shameful.

How cold inside, and yet, now that it was over, he was too tired to even be angry at Bryan, he just felt a sort of lethargic dull misery inside and the only thing he could really grasp onto to be angry at was the fleeting gentle touches and kisses just before Bryan left him alone.

Bryan did that on purpose! There was no kindness in them, no gentleness. Ray knew better! But in the moment when the pain and shock left him vulnerable and spent, Bryan dealt a blow to him with those soft kisses, gentle hands the kind he could never deal with violence. Just like Bryan had wanted, on a softened mind, his hands and lips left an impression. Ray remembered, and when everything around was miserable and painful, they were there at the moment of reprieve.

Ray felt the deepest shame yet, because in the time of aggression, he had craved gentleness, he was given a taste of it, false as it was and having gotten a taste he wanted more. He closed his eyes feeling a still tear dislodge itself from the corner and roll down his face.

He felt like Bryan planted a seed of evil in him with those hands, a seed of shame. He knew, and he knew that Bryan knew, that he has already lost a battle that was only starting, and even still, he would fight, he was still not past fear, not past the shame, he had to fight for them, he couldn't just let Bryan destroy them…him.

Laying all sore, and getting more sore from immobility, Ray did finally slip into sleep and his sleep was deeper than he would have ever thought possible. He didn't hear Bryan come back, not alone, with others, didn't hear the quiet voices and cold chuckles, or the few pairs of feet as they left again.

He was awake again when Bryan came back late that night, he pretended to be asleep and either he finally succeeded, or Bryan didn't care, he was left alone staring at Bryan's back , lying just as still. He felt dread of this man, stronger and stronger, the trepidation at the thought of this man only grew.


	7. In the Light of Dawn

AN: Again, thank you to my wonderful reviewers. Without you I would not have gotten this chapter out. Like I've already told some of you, your reviews do matter, what you think matters and you do motivate me to write more. What I think about this chapter? God, I donno. I have half an urge to scrap it, I almost feel like I took this turn too sharply right after the previous chapter and that I should backtrack and put a few more chapters between the last one and this one to make the transition into this development smoother, more realistic. Honestly, taking this turn as an author scares me a bit. Where do I go from now? Do I spook them both and destroy the fragile thread forming between them, or do I jump head first and explore the developing and brewing emotions, whatever they might be? Stick around to find out and keep your support strong, your support makes it possible for me to keep going with this.

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At some point Ray fell asleep again, woke up, his mind drifting through the haze of his near-dream state, fell asleep again. For the duration of the night he had the bed to himself, no one bothered him. Even though Bryan was in the apartment, he walked quietly not disturbing the silence of the place. When Ray was awake, he could listen to him move about the apartment, could picture what he was doing without actually looking at him. Bryan didn't approach him and in the whole night Ray didn't once feel alarmed when Bryan's presence passed close by him.

It was as if Bryan gave Ray some kind of an assurance by covering his nude body up himself with a sheet that he was not going to touch him until he removed that cover himself. Ray woke up a final time in the morning. It was such an early morning that the early spring sun was not even close to being up yet, the sky outside was still a deep shade of indigo, almost black. Ray opened his eyes and stared at the first thing that his eyes landed on, the black window. Bryan hadn't turned the light on the whole night, all together, since he left Ray lying on the bed he has not done anything unpleasant, other than being in the room of course. Ray could be grateful to a degree for such small favors.

At first he just lay there watching the window and didn't move, lost in thought. His body no longer felt sore. Of course, he hasn't moved yet, so he didn't know if that would affect it, but it has cooled down and the skin did not feel tender as the sheet scraped over it when he breathed. He felt surprisingly well rested. This has been the longest and the deepest sleep he has gotten in this place, not including the times when he passed out dreamlessly due to his previous illness. Unlike those times, he felt better when he woke up.

Ray took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, he felt lazy and in no hurry to move. He couldn't explain this misplaced feeling of inner peace, he should have felt turmoil recalling what happened, but now that it was over, it didn't seem real. The surreal recollection was not so vivid as he might've thought, maybe he was still in a state of some kind of shock? Much more vividly he could remember the soft, semi-painful kisses falling cool and wet on his inflamed flesh.

Lost in these thoughts Ray was surprised to feel Bryan sink on the bed right beside him. He should have seen him approach, seeing as he was sitting in front of him, but he didn't. His eyes darted to the dark form, he could see him clearly enough, even though it was very dark in the room, courtesy of his feline sight, but still Bryan appeared to be a dark shape sitting beside him.

Ray felt alarmed for a moment, but when Bryan hasn't done anything except sit and look at him, as if merely acknowledging that he noticed Ray waking up, Ray turned his eyes away from him again and back to the window.

There were so many things to say, so many feelings that should be hurt, so many reasons to be angry, but the atmosphere in the room has been so still and calm since he woke up he couldn't work up the proper rage. Maybe he was still half dreaming.

Ray tensed when finally Bryan moved, stretching a large hand out he lightly brushed the hair from his face with his fingers, and then it all came back to him. The pain, the incredible force of emotions he felt as he suffered under Bryan's blow, the adrenaline racing through his blood, and the soft, soft touches, the light kisses.

"What game are you playing at?" he chocked up barely audibly. He saw in the near-darkness Bryan's smile twitch wide, the man didn't answer for a little while, then his deep voice reached Ray, a near whisper, quiet…

"Can't you figure it out yourself?"

Ray turned his face, the hand stilled lying against his cheek and he opted to ignore it's existence for now.

"You expect me to understand how your twisted mind works?" he asked incredulously. The chuckle he heard from Bryan started to rile him up again and holding the cover tightly over himself he made a movement to rise, but Bryan's hand dropped to his shoulder and pushed him slowly, but firmly down again.

Ray stilled watching him warily and intensely, feeling a lot more awake again. There seemed to be still some kind of an unspoken taboo against sound in this silence of the night, both himself and Bryan were speaking in hushed, low voices. The silence brought them closer, it made the room smaller, the space intimate without bringing their bodies together. The darkness melted the space between them. Just by being in the room Bryan's presence invaded Ray and yet, Ray could not accuse him of it now, it was just the atmosphere. To accuse Bryan, even in his mind of unwanted closeness now was to admit that his mind perceived the situation in that way.

Bryan slowly pulled his hand down over Ray's arm, a pat, a caress., down his forearm until he reached Ray's clenched fist and exerting pressure with his strong slightly calloused fingers forced the fist to open. Ray's eyes dropped to his hand, held between Bryan's fingers. He hadn't realized he clenched it. It looked small and girly held limply between Bryan's fingers.

Ray frowned and yanked his hand away shifting away and putting some distance between them on the bed. He cradled his hand to his chest as if Bryan had hurt it glaring at the man.

"You are deranged" there wasn't any challenge in his voice like there was before when he opened his mouth in a much regretted move "You are sick and twisted Bryan." He continued taking a deeper breath, he still didn't break the silence, whispering almost urgently "I won't ever let you do that to me again!" the last whisper was urgent, there was anger in it "I refuse to submit to this kind of treatment!"

Ray watched Bryan's face, this had to come, they had to /talk/. The game had to end, Bryan had to get real, he was not a toy! This mad nightmare had to end.

Slowly one of Bryan's eyebrows rose…. "Do you really think you are in a position to tell me what not to do to you, Kon Ray?" he chuckled softly "I could…" but he was cut off.

"I know you could!" Ray cut across him, he felt intimidated again, but what was there to do?! He felt his face heat up, whether with anger or shame, he didn't know "You could force me, you could do all kinds of things" he breathed unevenly, then shook his head clenching the sheets close to him. "I am /asking/ you not to! P-please, stop this! Stop this madness!"

Ray looked up at Bryan waiting for a reaction. Bryan seemed to be considering him, maybe this would work? Bryan wasn't an animal, talking to him had to get him at least somewhere? Maybe if he just put his hate aside for a little bit, he was /living/ here, in a manner of speaking, with this man, it was right to negotiate, reasonable….right?

And Bryan was considering Ray in a new light. Has his little experiment the other day softened Ray's mind so much? Ray didn't seem to know himself what was happening to him, the boy was under impression that he was taking things back into his hands, getting them back under control. What really was happening though was Ray yielding ground, entering negotiations, admitting that he couldn't fight any more. This wasn't resistance, this was settling terms of surrender. Ray's surrender.

Bryan didn't know how he felt about that, it appeared Ray was touched deeper last night than he expected, perhaps the little mercy he showed him in the end was too much, Ray was not ready for it. The poor neko-jin knew how to block out things he hated, put a wall of loathing between himself and those things. But when Bryan did something that Ray involuntarily wanted him to do in the moment of pain and misery, showed him mercy, whichever form it had come in, Ray didn't know how to block it out and it got to him. In short, there was a part of yesterday's experience that Ray, whether he knew it or not, did not hate.

Bryan rose off the bed abruptly and saw Ray's eyes widen. Ray tried to jerk back as he leant forward grabbing him by the arms and tugging him forward off the bed. The cat squeaked, sort of, attempting to catch the sheet in which he was clothed and pull away at the same time. Bryan tugged him off the bed and forward into the middle of the room.

Ray thought this would work! For some reason he felt he could talk Bryan into giving him a break, but he's done it again! Bryan thought he was defying him again, he was going to do worse to him than yesterday, but that wasn't it!! Ray was feeling panicked, this was not fair, that hasn't been his intention!!!

"No! Wait, Bryan no!" he stammered in a high-pitched voice as he stumbled after him "I didn't….that wasn't…." his breath caught in his chest as it tightened with emotion. They stopped in the middle of the room and Ray realized he was trembling in Bryan's grip. He wasn't ready for a repeat of yesterday again! His eyes stung, 'no, please no…' he shook his head, his eyes pleading, whether Bryan saw it or not.

Bryan did see it. He was not wrong, Ray learned yesterday's lesson, it was too early for rebellion again, at worst, this was a mistake on Ray's part, not an attempt to defy him. He chose to test that theory yet again, depending on the outcome he would know how to proceed, but he really didn't think Ray needed to be punished again so soon, he was such a good boy when he woke up after all.

Bryan let go of Ray's arms watching him. Ray stumbled half a step back from him, looking up at him unspoken questions in his eyes, Bryan's expression yielded no answers and no mercy. He watched as the boy cowered wrapping his arms tightly around himself, his head pulled close to his shoulders, he looked defensive and his shaking became obvious even to Bryan's eyes, even in the darkness.

"I didn't mean…" Ray whimpered barely audibly, it was useless! It had been useless, and unfair, he just wanted to talk!

He flinched when Bryan reached for him again, stared at the hand then turned his face again stilling. His insides filled with bitterness which numbed the stinging unfairness of the situation. 'Fine then monster!' he screamed silently in his mind, behind clenched teeth and slightly shiny eyes 'have your way! Show me yet again that you can!' he shuddered and closed his eyes. He felt ashamed for trying. It was a mistake trying to reason with a maniac.

"You want me to stop?" Bryan made a small 'hn' sound and touched Ray's face, rubbing the back of his bent finger, like a talon, slowly up and down Ray's straight jaw. "No Ray" he spoke softly "I don't think I can stop. Not with you, you did too well last night. You sound good, your body is beautiful."

Ray felt his insides shriveling and shrinking with every word, he was being filled with shame like cold liquid lead, he was being submerged in it, drowning in Bryan's words.

"You think I'm being sadistic? Watching you, hurting you, humiliating you?"

Ray choked covering his face with his hands, he had been bending lower, almost as if he wanted to get into a fetal position with Bryan's every word, yet continued standing without curling up because he wasn't sure if he'd be allowed to and because he didn't want to cower at Bryan's feet like a beaten dog.

"But you are wrong…." Bryan whispered silkily tracing his knuckles down Ray's chest, over his shoulders brushing the cover aside as he stepped around Ray, observing him from different angles. The cover fell to the middle of Ray's back, draped around him, just above his tail-bone, just hiding his privates out of view.

Ray shuddered as he listened, he felt unable to move, exposed, and yet afraid to cover himself lest he draw Bryan's eyes there, lest he make him think more of it.

Bryan's words were just as horrifying as they were fascinating.

"In the case with you Ray…" Ray's eyes widened from the way Bryan whispered his name into the back of his ear "I am being the most masochistic that I've ever been in my life." Ray chanced a look behind him. He didn't understand!

"/Not/ taking you Ray…./that/ is the hardest part of my game."

"W-what? But I thought you…" he was silenced when Bryan covered his mouth with a large hand pulling him back against himself, his slender body pressed back into Bryan's strong frame. Bryan pulled his head back, exposing his throat, bending his neck into a painful angle.

"Let me see your face fill with shame, the horror you experience when I touch you is…intoxicating" Bryan whispered, hot breath brushing against Ray's ear.

"Uuum!" Ray's eyes were wide, whites flashing as he tried to keep his gaze on Bryan and shift in his grip, break free. He was afraid again, Bryan seemed more mad than before! "Uuuum!" he shook his head tugging at Bryan's hand at his mouth.

Bryan ignored him. He brought his other arm around his torso and with a yank pulled the sheet free from his bent arms and let it fall to the floor. Ray was exposed. Then he turned them and felt Ray still when the boy noticed which way they were facing. For a moment Ray almost thought there was someone else in the room and that one moment mortified him like no other, but they were alone. No, what he was looking at was their reflection in the mirror. The mirror Bryan had in his room reflected a tall strong man standing in the shadows, and a pale nude form twisting in his grasp. Was that him?! Was that how Bryan saw him?

Ray looked away from the mirror, at Bryan's face, 'please…..please I'm begging you, don't do this!' he pleaded in his mind hoping that his pleas would translate into the look in his eyes.

"Watch yourself Ray" Bryan jerked his head towards the mirror forcing him to look at their reflection. He drew his free hand over Ray's stomach listening to him whimper, Ray tried to close his eyes, but each new movement caused him to open them and look. Bryan's hand traveled lower, down, down, his thumb circled Ray's navel, down yet more, until his fingers brushed over the black curls that resided there making Ray jump. The boy tried to struggle, panicked, Bryan ignored it holding him firmly in place.

The panicked breathing against his hand was inflaming him, Ray was like a little bird in the claws of a predator, beating to get free. Bryan's fingers stole through the growth, reached his private part and under it, lifting his penis, he stroked it with his fingertips. Ray screamed into his hand bucking, trying to trash.

Bryan grabbed him there harshly and squeezed, with a muffled wail, shaking Ray went still. The poor boy, he was miserable, he was panic, his body was slick with a thin layer of sweat from the sheer stress of it all. Bryan was not without pity for him just then, this was no longer purely amusing, no, he gave up a tiny bit of his own control in exchange for Ray's plea and allowed himself to feel a little drawn to his prisoner which was the cause of this change in behavior. The cause for Bryan suddenly getting a little more personal with Ray.

He cupped Ray's ball sack holding it up, weighing it in his hand. Ray sobbed. No one, no one has ever dared to touch him there. He never allowed anyone. He never touched himself there much! Stained….he felt so stained! 'stop….stop…stop, I'll do anything, just stop!' wordlessly he begged for the gods to interfere on his behalf.

Bryan's hand moved on. It went lower tracing his thighs, then his hips, to the back. Bryan was touching his ass now, Ray flinched away, and then finally he let out a sob against Bryan's hand. The finger that brushed against his crack lightly withdrew. Bryan grasped his arm, let go of his mouth and yanked him around to face him. He stared down into Ray's face and Ray stared up at him.

"Did you see yourself?" Bryan smirked "If you could see yourself through /my/ eyes, you'd never hold onto such false hope.

He knew! He knew already, he got the point! Ray understood this has been a big mistake!

"But…." And then Bryan's voice turned softer, he reached up and touched Ray's face with his hand, he leant in closer. Ray held his breath his heart stilling and color draining from his face, for one terrified moment he thought Bryan was going to kiss him "Once in a while, you might persuade me" Bryan's breath brushed against Ray's lips, making them tingle. He stared up at Bryan's eyes….persuade….persuade him. He could….he felt transfixed by Bryan's gaze.

'he's…..terrifying….' Ray looked away suddenly lowering his eyes and his head, he stumbled a few steps away, nearly tripped over the fallen sheet, bend down and grabbed it wrapping it tightly around himself as he shivered. There….there wasn't a part of him that Bryan hasn't seen, but he felt cold…frozen to the bone.

"I'm cold." He whispered not looking up at Bryan.

"Go sit down." Bryan nodded and pointed at the arm-chair. He watched as Ray backed towards it and sank into it pulling his legs up and finally curling up into something that resembled fetal position. He knew that he shattered Ray's temporary sense of peace and security, he gave it to him, he took it away, it was all in his power. He observed Ray for a few more seconds as the boy sat there mutely before he turned and went into the kitchen.

There, he took longer than needed to make two cups of tea. One for himself, and one for Ray. He took his own time away from Ray to think too, and gave Ray some time to ponder Points of connection….it finally started to happen, he was getting to Ray on the personal level, and Ray was getting to him the same way. Which one of them would come out on top in this? Bryan liked to think it would be him. He took a sip of his tea and though….then smirked. Yes, it would be him. Why? Because he wasn't the one who was petrified of the inner changes inside of him. Grabbing the second cup of tea he walked out into the room. Ray still sat where he left him. He held the cup out for him.

Ray looked up at Bryan, looked at the cup, then back at Bryan. Cautiously he reached out and took it, smelled it, though had it been the terrible tea from before he would have known long before, then took a sip. Sadly he stared into his cup, he lost again.

"Thank you" he whispered…"For the tea" he added just in case. He felt like he fought a great battle again, he felt like he lost, he felt tired again, like he was sitting here licking his wounds and again he was accepting Bryan's dubious comfort.

As they spent their time in silence, drinking their tea, slowly the sun crawled up in the sky and from black it went to gray. Ray turned his eyes towards the window and watched it, so did Bryan. With the next sip, there was no more tea in Ray's cup. He hesitated over the empty cup, then stood up forgetting the sheet behind as he walked across the room into the kitchen to wash it.

Bryan's eyes followed him and his smirk twitched into being as he watched the nude form move through his apartment uncovered at last glowing softly in the pale light of dawn. Victory was almost his, and when he won, who knows what then? For now though, he liked to watch the truly beautiful sight before him. And all the while, Ray had no idea just how magnificent he looked, pale skin, raven hair, colored gently by the soft rose hue of sunrise.

And Bryan had no idea that his taunting, victorious and amused smirk was just a little softer than usual.


End file.
